free work as possible out of Poseidon for as long as possible.
Since Poseidon didn’t have a choice, he set to work.
Even without his godly powers, Poseidon was still pretty awesome. He was stronger than any mortal and could carry five or six massive blocks of stone at a time. The project took him years, but he finally constructed the mightiest walls any mortal city had ever had, making Troy nearly invincible.
At last, tired and sore and irritated, Poseidon marched into King Laomedon’s throne room.
“Finished,” Poseidon announced.
“With what?” Laomedon looked up from the book he was reading. It had been so many years, he’d totally forgotten about Poseidon. “Oh, right! The walls! Yes, they look great. You can go now.”
Poseidon blinked. “But—my reward.”
“That is your reward. You can go. I’ll let Zeus know you fulfilled your oath, and he’ll make you a god again. What better reward could there be?”
Poseidon growled. “I made your city the strongest on earth. I built walls that will withstand any army. You promised me compensation, and now you won’t pay?”
“Are you still here?” Laomedon asked.
Poseidon stormed out of the throne room.
Zeus made him a god again, but Poseidon never forgot how Laomedon had insulted him. He couldn’t destroy Troy outright; Zeus forbade it. But Poseidon did send a sea monster to terrorize the Trojans. He also made a special point of sinking Trojan ships whenever he got the chance. And when a little event called the Trojan War came along…well, Poseidon was not on the side of Troy.
And that’s my dad, folks: a calm, easygoing dude most of the time. But if you made him angry, he had a long, long memory.
The only god who held longer grudges…yeah, you guessed it. Old Thunderpants himself. I suppose we’ve put him off long enough. It’s time to talk about Zeus.
ZEUS KILLS EVERYONE
YOU WANT SCARY?
Think about this: Zeus was the god of law and order. The guy who threw random lightning bolts when he got angry and couldn’t keep his own wedding vows—this was the guy in charge of making sure kings acted wisely, councils of elders were respected, oaths were kept, and strangers were given hospitality.
That would be like making me the god of homework and good grades.
I guess Zeus wasn’t all bad. Sometimes he would show up at mortals’ homes disguised as a wanderer to see whether folks would let him in and offer him food. If you treated the visitor kindly, good for you! That was your duty as a Greek citizen. If you slammed the door in his face…well, Zeus would be back later with his lightning bolts.
Just knowing that every traveler or homeless person might be Zeus in disguise kept the Greeks on their toes.
Same with kings. Zeus was the god of kingly power, so he watched over mortal rulers to make sure they didn’t abuse their position. Obviously, a lot of kings got away with terrible things (probably because Zeus was busy chasing some girl and didn’t notice); but there was always a chance that if you did something really evil or stupid, Zeus would bring down the godly thunder and lightning and blast you right off your throne.
Example? Salmoneus. That dude should’ve won the grand prize for being an idiot. He was one of seven brothers, all princes of a Greek kingdom called Thessaly. Since there were so many princes hanging around the palace with nothing to do except play video games and wait to inherit the kingdom, their father the king said, “You guys, get out of here! Get some exercise, for once! Why don’t you all go start new kingdoms or something? Stop loafing and get a job!”
The seven princes didn’t really feel like founding new kingdoms. That was hard work. But their dad insisted, and so did his heavily armed guards. The princes each took a group of settlers and struck out into the wilderness of southern Greece.
Prince Salmoneus was pretty full of himself. He named his new kingdom Salmonea. He put his settlers to work building a capital city, but he got annoyed because the people wanted to build temples to the gods before they started a palace for him.
“Your Majesty,” they said, “we have to honor the gods first. Otherwise they’ll get angry!”
The new king grumbled. He didn’t really believe in the gods. He was pretty sure those stories were a bunch of rubbish the priests had made up to keep people in line.
That night Salmoneus sat in his partially built palace, watching his citizens