guy, but whatever. Apollo was always popular at parties, because he could entertain you with songs, tell your fortune, and even do cool trick shots with his bow, like intercepting a dozen Ping-Pong balls at once or shooting a wine cup off Dionysus’s head.
Apollo also became the god of shepherds and cowherds. Why? You got me. Obviously Apollo liked premium cuts of meat. He raised the finest cattle in the world. Everybody wanted to steal them, but Apollo kept them under constant guard. If anybody got near his sacred herd, they were likely to start World War C (for cow).
When Apollo got mad, he didn’t mess around. He could punish any mortal anywhere in the world simply by drawing his bow and firing. The arrow would arc through the sky and find its mark, no matter how far away. If Apollo was hanging out in Greece and some guy in Spain muttered, “Apollo is stupid!”…BAM! One dead Spanish guy. The arrow would be invisible, too—so the other mortals would never know what hit him.
In Ancient Greece, anytime somebody dropped dead unexpectedly, they assumed Apollo had struck him down—maybe as a punishment, maybe as a reward for one of the guy’s enemies.
Considering that, this is going to sound strange: Apollo was the god of healing. If you wanted Band-Aids or Advil, Apollo could help you out. But he also had power over plagues and epidemics. He could cure or kill off an entire army or a whole nation. If he got mad, he’d shoot a special arrow that exploded into a foul vapor and spread smallpox or black plague or anthrax. If a zombie apocalypse ever comes around, you’ll know who to blame.
Apollo was the god of so many different things, even the Greeks got confused. They’d be like, “Hmm, I forgot who the god of basket weaving is. Must be Apollo!”
Maybe that’s why, later on, the Greeks and Romans started calling Apollo the god of the sun. That was actually Helios’s job, but the mortals sort of forgot about Helios and decided to give Apollo the sun chariot instead. Since Apollo was all flashy and golden like the sun, it made sense.
In this book, though, let’s not think of him as the sun god. The dude’s got enough other stuff on his plate. Plus, the idea of Apollo driving the sun chariot freaks me out, ’cause you know he’d be talking on his cell phone most of the time with the radio cranked to max, the subwoofers rattling the whole chariot. He’d have his dark shades on and be checking out the ladies like, How you doing?
Anyway, his symbols were the bow and arrow—no surprise. Later, when the lyre (like a small harp) was invented, that was his symbol too.
The main thing to know about Apollo: never underestimate the guy. One day he might be the god of limericks and stupid earworm songs and first-aid classes. The next day he’s the god of chemical weapons and world-destroying plagues. And you thought Poseidon had a split personality.
Apollo wouldn’t kill you for no reason. He just didn’t need much of a reason.
Example: One time his mom, Leto, was coming to see him at Delphi. Along the way she got harassed by a giant named Tityos. I know. Terrible name, Tityos. Nothing I can do about that.
Anyway, Tityos was a nasty piece of work. He was one of Zeus’s most monstrous kids. His mom was your typical mortal princess, Elara; but when she was pregnant, Zeus had the brilliant idea of hiding her from Hera by sticking her in an underground cave. Something about the cave vapors made Elara’s unborn child grow ugly and so huge that his mom’s body simply couldn’t contain him. It’s a little disgusting, but…well, KA-BLAM! Elara died. However, the child kept growing until the entire cave became his incubation chamber. Then Gaea, good old Dirt Face herself, decided to be Tityos’s surrogate mom. She completed his training in the Dark Side. When Tityos finally emerged from the earth, he looked less like the son of Zeus and more like the son of Frankenstein’s monster.
Anyway, Hera got hold of him and figured she could use this giant to get her long-awaited revenge on Leto.
“Hey, Tityos,” Hera said to him one day.
“Blood!” Tityos screamed. “Meat and blood!”
“Yes,” Hera said. “Those are very nice. But how about a pretty wife for you too?”
“Meat!”
“Okay. Maybe later. A woman will be walking this way soon, heading to Delphi. She just loves it when