straight to the temple of Athena. It was closed for the night, but Poseidon opened the doors easily.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Medusa whispered.
“Sure,” Poseidon said. “We’ll have the place to ourselves.”
Now, I’m not going to excuse Poseidon’s behavior. He knew very well that Athena would get angry. He was using Medusa to get revenge. He lost sight of the fact that Hey, maybe Athena will take her anger out on this poor mortal girl….
Poseidon and Medusa made themselves comfortable and got romantic at the foot of Athena’s statue, which was a huge insult to Athena—kind of like somebody leaving a burning bag of dog poo on your porch, ringing the doorbell, and running away. Not that I have ever personally done anything like that, of course.
Athena looked down from Olympus and saw what was going on. She wanted to hurl. “That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” she grumbled. “I think I’ll show Poseidon something even more disgusting.”
She conjured up the most awful and creative curse she could think of—and Athena could be pretty creative.
Down in the temple, Medusa grew brass bat wings and brass talons. Her hair turned into a nest of writhing poisonous snakes. Her face twisted into something so horrible that one glance would turn anyone who saw her to stone.
Poseidon’s eyes were closed. He was leaning in for another kiss, his lips all puckered up, when he heard a weird hissing noise.
“Baby, did you spring a leak?” he teased.
Then he opened his eyes. He jumped back faster than a breaching whale. “Holy…What the…OH GODS! I kissed that…AHHH! MOUTHWASH! MOUTHWASH!”
Since he was immortal, he didn’t turn to stone, but he screamed a bunch of other stuff I can’t put into writing and got out of there fast, without even an apology to poor Medusa.
Medusa quickly realized what she looked like. She covered her head with her shawl and slunk away. Eventually she ended up living in a cave far from civilization, with just her two sisters for company. Together, the three of them were called the Gorgons. Over the years, just from being close to her, Medusa’s two sisters transformed into monsters as ugly as she was. They couldn’t turn people to stone, but the gods decided to make them immortal—maybe out of pity, maybe as a curse—so the sisters could take care of Medusa forever without getting petrified. The Gorgons caused all kinds of grief to heroes over the years, but that’s another story. Eventually the face of Medusa became one of Athena’s symbols, as if to say: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU MESS WITH ME.
Not all of Poseidon’s relationships worked out so badly. He dated one girl named Eurynome who was really nice. By the way, her name is pronounced your enemy, and I don’t know how Poseidon could say that without laughing. Oh, your enemy, give me a kiss! My girlfriend is your enemy! I’m going out with your enemy! Anyway, they had a kid together named Bellerophon, who became a great hero.
Another one of Poseidon’s girlfriends, Aethra, gave birth to an even greater hero named Theseus. So don’t start thinking all the important heroes were Zeus’s kids. That’s just Zeus’s PR machine at work.
My favorite thing about Poseidon? If he really liked you, he could grant you shape-shifting powers. He did that for one of his girlfriends, Mestra, so she could turn into any animal she wanted. He also gave that power to one of his demigod grandsons, Periclymenus, who could fight as a snake or a bear or even a swarm of bees.
Me, I can’t change shape. Thanks a lot, Dad.
On the other hand, some of Poseidon’s kids didn’t turn out too well. Maybe it depended on what kind of mood he was in, or what he’d had for dinner, but sometimes Poseidon sired actual monsters. One of his sons was a man-eating Cyclops named Polyphemus. Another was an ugly giant named Antaeus, who liked to break people in half. And you think your brothers are bad.
Another time, Poseidon fell in love with a princess named Theophane, who was so beautiful, every guy in her kingdom wanted to marry her. They just wouldn’t leave her alone. They followed her down the street. They broke into the palace, demanding to see her. They even tried following her into the bathroom. She was like a superstar surrounded by paparazzi. No peace or privacy ever.
Finally it got so bad that she prayed to Poseidon, who had been