people died, all because the king forgot to give Artemis some fruit. Seriously, it’s only twelve gods. Next time make a checklist, Oineus.
So, yeah. If you forgot to make sacrifices, Artemis might kill you. But if you really wanted to guarantee yourself a painful death, invade her personal space.
A hunter named Actaeon made that mistake. The weird thing was, he really respected Artemis. He always made his sacrifices to her on time. He dedicated his best kills to the goddess and tried to be a good hunter. He’d been raised and trained by Chiron himself, the famous centaur who taught all the best Greek heroes. (Cough, me, cough.) Actaeon kept a pack of fifty dogs. When he wasn’t at Chiron’s cave learning hero stuff, Actaeon was out with his dogs, tracking down dangerous creatures and bringing home the wild boar bacon.
One night he was in the mountains, exhausted from a hard day of hunting. He lay down to sleep on a rock overlooking a lake with a waterfall. His dogs curled up in the meadow behind him. He pulled his blanket over his head and went to sleep, only to wake in the morning to the sound of voices.
Actaeon rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He looked down at the lake and thought he was dreaming. A bunch of beautiful ladies were bathing in the waterfall, like, without clothes. The most beautiful one looked exactly like the statues of Artemis that Actaeon had seen in the temples. She was tall with dark hair and brilliant silver eyes. The sight of her bathing made the blood roar in Actaeon’s ears.
Now, if he’d just crept away right then, he might’ve been okay. Artemis didn’t realize he was there. Actaeon could have sneaked off and lived to a ripe old age with his secret and considered himself lucky. I mean…he wasn’t being a stalker yet. He hadn’t intended on spying.
But no. Of course not. Actaeon had to get greedy.
He kept watching. He fell in love with Artemis. He decided he had to marry her.
He knew she was an eternal maiden, sure. But she hadn’t met him yet!
Actaeon respected her. He’d always sacrificed to her. He loved hunting and animals….They had so much in common. Why hadn’t he thought about this before?
He sprang up from his sleeping spot and yelled, “Forgive me, my lady!”
The followers of Artemis screamed and scrambled to the shore to retrieve their clothes and their bows. Artemis narrowed her eyes. She made no attempt to cover herself. She walked toward Actaeon over the top of the water.
“Who are you?” she demanded.
“Actaeon, my lady. I am a great hunter, and I have always worshipped you.”
“Indeed?” Artemis didn’t sound impressed. “Yet you spy on me while I am bathing?”
“That—that was an accident.” Actaeon’s neck started to feel itchy, like it was covered in fleas. He wasn’t feeling so confident now, but it was too late to back out. “Your beauty…it has inspired me to speak. I must have you! Marry me!”
Artemis tilted her head. A silver aura glowed around her entire body.
“You must have me,” she said. “You think I am your prey?”
“N-no, my lady.”
“You think you are the hunter, and I am some prize to bring down with your pack of dogs?”
“Well, no. But—”
“Let me enlighten you, Actaeon,” said the goddess. “I am the hunter. I am always the hunter. You are the prey. No man who has seen me naked may live.”
Actaeon’s body writhed with pain. Just above his eyes, his forehead split open and sprouted two heavy antlers. His fingers fused together into cloven hooves. His back bent and stretched. His legs narrowed. His boots shrank and hardened into hooves.
Actaeon became a deer—a beautiful sixteen-point buck.
Artemis made a high-pitched whistling noise. Actaeon’s pack of fifty dogs stirred from their sleep. They didn’t smell their master anywhere, but wow, that huge deer smelled great! Actaeon tried to command his dogs to stay, but he had no voice. They didn’t recognize him. He bolted, as deer usually do, but the dogs were too fast.
They tore their old master into tiny pieces.
When the dogs were done, they looked around for Actaeon. They couldn’t find him anywhere. They bayed and whined and got very sad, but finally they made their way back home to Chiron’s cave. The centaur saw the pieces of Actaeon’s clothing stuck in their teeth and the blood on their fur, and he figured out what must have happened. He had warned that stupid kid not to mess with