THE MISTRESS OF ALL NOURISHMENT. YOU WILL EAT AND EAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS, BUT YOUR HUNGER WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!”
Demeter disappeared in a flash of emerald light.
Poor Eric ran away whimpering, and swearing to the gods that he would never ever touch that sacred grove. It didn’t matter. That night, when he had finished his dinner, he was just as hungry as when he started. He ate a second dinner, then a third; but he felt no better. He drank like, a gallon of water; but he couldn’t quench his thirst.
Within a few days, the hunger and thirst became unbearable. He only got relief when he slept. Even then, he dreamed about food. When he woke up, he was starving again.
Eric was a rich man, but within a few weeks he had sold most of his possessions just to buy food. He ate constantly, all day every day. Nothing helped. Eventually he lost everything he owned. His friends abandoned him. He got so desperate, he even tried to sell his own daughter into slavery to get money for food. Fortunately, Demeter wasn’t cruel enough to let that happen. The daughter pleaded for someone to rescue her, and Poseidon came to her aid. Maybe he figured he owed Demeter a favor for the horse-cuddling incident. Maybe he just didn’t mind helping out a pretty mortal girl. Anyway, he took the girl under his protection and made her a housekeeper in his underwater palace. As for Erisikhthon, he wasted away and died in agony. Happy ending.
Word got around. The mortals decided that maybe they should take Demeter seriously. Anybody who controls food can bless you—or they can curse you very, very badly.
After that, Demeter figured she’d gotten her anger out of her system. She decided to relax and enjoy life, and the thing that brought her the most happiness in the world was her eldest daughter, Persephone. Oh, sure, she loved her other kids; but Persephone was her favorite.
“I’m done with drama,” Demeter told herself. “I’m just going to kick back and enjoy spending time with my wonderful daughter!”
As you can probably guess, that didn’t work out so well.
PERSEPHONE MARRIES HER STALKER
(OR, DEMETER, THE SEQUEL)
I HAVE TO BE HONEST. I never understood what made Persephone such a big deal. I mean, for a girl who almost destroyed the universe, she seems kind of meh.
Sure, she was pretty. She had her mother’s long blond hair and Zeus’s sky blue eyes. She didn’t have a care in the world. She was sure the whole world had been invented just for her pleasure. I guess when your parents are both gods, you can come to believe that.
She loved the outdoors. She spent her days roaming the countryside with her nymph and goddess friends, wading in streams, picking flowers in sunlit meadows, eating fresh fruit right off the tree—heck, I’m just making this up, but I’m guessing that’s what a teenage goddess would have done before smartphones were invented.
The thing is, Persephone didn’t have much else going for her. She wasn’t all that bright. She wasn’t brave. She didn’t really have any goals or hobbies (other than the flower-picking thing). She was just kind of there, enjoying life and being a spoiled, sheltered, overprivileged kid. I guess it’s nice work if you can get it, but I didn’t grow up that way, so I don’t have much sympathy for her.
Still, Demeter lived for her daughter, and I can’t blame her for being over-protective. Demeter had had enough bad experiences with those sneaky male gods. After all, Persephone had come into the world because of a snake ambush. The kid was lucky she wasn’t hatched from an egg.
Of course, since Persephone was declared off-limits, all the male gods noticed her and thought she was incredibly hot. They all wanted to marry her, but they knew Demeter would never allow it. Anytime one of them got close, Demeter appeared out of nowhere with her dragon-drawn chariot and her wicked golden sword.
Most of the gods let it go. They decided to find some safer goddess to date.
But one god couldn’t get Persephone out of his mind—namely Hades, lord of the Underworld.
Perfect match, right? An old gloomy dude who lives in the world’s largest cave filled with the souls of the dead, and he falls in love with a pretty young girl who likes sunlight and flowers and the Great Outdoors. What could possibly go wrong?
Hades knew it was hopeless. Persephone was completely out of his