spotted a herd of deer.
You’re thinking, Wow, deer. That fills me with excitement.
But this herd of deer included five huge hinds—adult females the size of bulls, with hooves and antlers made of solid gold. How did Artemis know it was real gold and not spray-paint? She’s the goddess of wild animals. She could just tell.
She turned to her followers and whispered, “Those noble deer would be awesome pulling my chariot. This will be our first big capture, ladies!”
Now, Artemis preferred not to kill harmless animals like deer. Mostly she just killed animals that hurt humans, like bears or lions or enraged badgers. But she had lots of clever ways to catch animals without hurting them. Among her followers was a nymph named Britomartis, who was so good at making nets that Artemis would eventually make her a minor goddess—the Lady of Nets. (Did she play basketball? I don’t know.)
Britomartis set some snares and concealed nets. Then the followers of Artemis started making noise. Just as they hoped, most of the regular-sized deer ran away, but the giant hinds with the golden horns turned to face the enemy and protect their herd.
Four of them charged straight into the nets and were caught, but the smartest of the five turned at the last second and dashed to safety.
“My lady,” said Britomartis, “should we go after that one?”
Artemis smiled. “No. Four deer are enough to pull my chariot. That fifth one has earned her freedom. She’s a smart hind! From now on, she will have my blessing. I forbid any hunter to harm her.”
That lucky deer lived a long time. She became famous for hanging out in an area of Greece called Ceryneia, so she was known as the Ceryneian Hind. Later on, Hercules would be ordered to capture her, but that’s another story.
Artemis now had everything she needed: her weapons, her followers, her hunting dogs, and her chariot pulled by magical hinds with fourteen-karat horns. The goddess spent her time roaming the mountains, hunting monsters, punishing anyone who was needlessly cruel to animals or didn’t respect the wilderness. Occasionally she would pop into town to check on the children, help mothers give birth, and maybe do a little recruiting among the young girls who might want to join the Hunt.
In some ways, she and her brother Apollo were very much alike. They were both freakishly good archers. While Artemis was the protector of young maidens, Apollo was the protector of young men. Both had healing powers. Both could punish disrespectful mortals with a sudden death-arrow or a horrible plague. Later on, Artemis became known as the goddess of the moon, taking over from the Titan Selene, the same way Apollo took over from Helios, the sun Titan. Sometimes you’ll see Artemis with a silvery crescent-shape emblem on her headband, which either means she’s the moon goddess or that she has a boomerang duct-taped to her forehead. Let’s go with the first option.
In other ways, Artemis was totally different from her brother. Apollo dated everybody. Artemis had no time for that nonsense. She was absolutely immune to love magic.
Her brother Apollo liked to make music. Artemis preferred the sounds of the crickets at night, the crackle of the campfire, the hooting of owls, and the gurgling of rivers. Apollo liked to draw attention to himself. Artemis preferred to slip away into the wilderness and be left alone with just her followers.
Her symbols? No surprise: the bow, the deer, and sometimes the crescent moon.
You might think only women worshipped her, but guys respected her as well. The Spartans used to pray to her for good hunting and success with archery and whatnot. Gross-out alert: to honor her, they used to tie a young guy to Artemis’s altar and whip him until he bled all over the place. Why they thought that would make Artemis happy, I’m not sure. Did I mention the Spartans were complete freakazoids?
Other Greeks sacrificed goats to her, or even dogs.
I know. Dogs? Artemis loved dogs. Why anyone would sacrifice them to her, I don’t know. Hopefully Artemis made her displeasure known by sending a plague down on those idiots.
She was popular all over Greece, but her biggest temple was in the city of Ephesus in Asia Minor. The Amazons founded the place, which makes sense. A nation of women warriors? They totally got what Artemis was about.
Sure, Artemis was mostly into hunting, but she was an excellent warrior when she had to be. For instance, when those twin giants the