big strong giants try to abduct her and drag her to their underground lair. Interested?”
Tityos scratched his massive head. “Blood?”
“Why, certainly.” Hera smiled. “If she resists, shed all the blood you want!”
Tityos agreed, so Hera gave him a cookie for good behavior and left him lying in wait on the road to Delphi. Soon Leto came along, and Tityos leaped out to grab her.
Thanks to her experience with Python, Leto had had a lot of practice running away from monsters, and this time she wasn’t pregnant. She dodged the giant and took off full-speed for Delphi.
“Hey, son?” she yelled. “A little help back here?”
Apollo heard his mother’s call. He grabbed his bow and fired. THWACK. Tityos bit the dirt with a golden arrow straight through his heart.
But that revenge was too quick for Apollo. He went down to see Hades in the Underworld and said, “This guy Tityos…I guess he still counts as a mortal demigod. Not sure. Anyway, if his spirit shows up, torture him for me. Something cool…like Zeus did with Prometheus. Except not with an eagle. Maybe vultures, or something.”
“Vultures, or something?” Hades asked.
“Yeah! Perfect!”
Hades must not have been feeling very creative, because he followed Apollo’s suggestion exactly. When the spirit of Tityos turned up, the giant was convicted of assaulting Leto. He was sent to the Fields of Punishment, where he was chained down, given a regenerating liver, and cut open so that vultures could feast on it forever. (I think Prometheus filed a infringement suit later on.)
Another time, Apollo avenged an insult by committing mass murder. That seems fair, right? The queen of Thebes, a lady named Niobe, had fourteen kids—seven boys and seven girls. The children were all healthy and attractive and made good grades in school, so Niobe was always bragging about them. You’ve probably met moms like that. You say, “Yeah, I scored a goal in the soccer game last night.” And she says, “Oh, that’s nice. All fourteen of my children are the captains of their teams, and they make straight A’s and can play the violin.” And you just want to smack her.
Well, Niobe was that lady. One day the city of Thebes had a festival in honor of Leto. The priests were praising the Titan for being so beautiful and courageous and giving birth to not one but two amazing gods, Apollo and Artemis. As the prayers were going on and on, Queen Niobe couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Oh, that’s not so special!” she said to the audience. “I don’t think Leto’s any more beautiful or courageous than I am. Besides, she only had two children. I had fourteen amazing children!”
O-o-o-o-kay. Bad move.
Halfway across the world, Apollo and Artemis heard the insult and came flying with their bows at the ready.
They descended on Thebes and a wave of terror spread across the city. Everyone turned to stone except for the queen and her family.
“Proud of your kids?” Apollo bellowed. “Maybe we need to put things in perspective for you.”
He shot seven golden arrows and murdered all of Niobe’s sons on the spot. Artemis shot down all seven of the daughters. Niobe’s husband, the king, wailed in outrage, drew his sword, and charged at Apollo, so the god struck him down too.
Niobe’s heart was shattered. She fled to a mountain in Asia Minor—the country we call Turkey—and wept for years and years, until finally she turned to rock. The Greeks used to visit the spot on Mount Sipylus where a weathered sandstone figure of a woman stood, water seeping from its eyes. Maybe she’s still there.
As for her dead family, they weren’t buried for nine days. The bodies just lay in the streets of Thebes, attracting flies and getting grosser and more, um, python, while the rest of the townspeople were frozen as statues.
Finally, Zeus took pity on Thebes. He unfroze the people and allowed them to bury the royal family. Nobody in Thebes ever insulted Leto again, but I’m pretty sure Apollo and Artemis weren’t very popular there, either.
And still Apollo could find new and horrifying ways to punish people.
The most horrible thing he did was to the satyr Marsyas.
This goat-legged dude lived in Phrygia, over in Asia Minor, kind of near the spot where Niobe turned to stone. One day Marsyas was trotting along the riverbank, minding his own business, when he spotted a strange instrument lying in the grass. It happened to be the flute Athena had made—the very first one in the world. Maybe you remember