(named after her, of course). She ended up marrying the sun Titan Helios.
Their third kid, a daughter named Kymopoleia, was big and clumsy and loud, and just never got as much love as her siblings. I always felt sorry for her. Her name meant the Wave Ranger, which makes her sound like a sports utility vehicle, but she looked more like a monster truck. Eventually she found happiness. She became the goddess of violent sea storms and married Briares, one of the Hundred-Handed Ones, who was also big and loud and didn’t mind a monster-truck wife.
As the years went by, Amphitrite discovered that Delphin was right. She did love her children even more than seabass, and most of the time Poseidon was a very good husband. He did have a lot of affairs with nymphs and mortals and whatnot, but strangely that didn’t bother Amphitrite so much. As long as Poseidon didn’t try to own her and tell her what to do, and as long as he was good to their three children, Amphitrite was cool.
She was even nice to Poseidon’s demigod children, unlike some other goddesses I could name. (Cough, Hera, cough.) One time the hero Theseus came to visit, and Amphitrite treated him like an honored guest. She even gave him a purple cloak to wear, which was a sign of kingship.
She’s been pretty cool to me, too. She doesn’t freak out when I leave my dirty laundry in the guest room. She makes cookies for me. She’s never tried to kill me that I know of. Pretty much all you could ask of an immortal stepmom.
As for Poseidon, it’s a good thing he had an easygoing wife, because he had so many girlfriends and kids from other relationships….I mean, you think Zeus was busy? Poseidon holds the record for the most demigod children.
If I tried to tell you about all the ladies he dated, we’d need an extra three hundred pages with a separate index and table of contents. We’d call it Poseidon’s Little Black Book. But it would be too weird for me to talk about all my dad’s girlfriends, so I’m just going to hit the highlights.
First was a Greek princess named Koroneis. She had feathery black hair and always wore dark dresses like she was going to a funeral, but for some reason Poseidon thought she was incredibly hot. One day he was following her along the beach, trying to flirt with her, when she got scared and ran off. Poseidon didn’t want her to get away like Amphitrite had, so he started running after her. “Hey, come back! I just want a kiss! I won’t kill you!”
Which is probably not the thing to say if you’re chasing a girl.
Koroneis panicked and screamed, “Help! Somebody help!”
She ran toward the city gates, but they were too far away. She knew she’d never make it. She scanned the horizon and happened to focus on the glittering roof of the temple of Athena in the distance.
Since Athena was the first Olympian she thought of, Koroneis yelled, “Athena, save me! I don’t care how you do it!”
Which again, is probably not a wise thing to say.
Way up on Mount Olympus, Athena heard Koroneis yelling her name. Gods have incredibly good hearing when it comes to their own names. The goddess spotted this poor helpless girl being chased by Poseidon, and Athena got angry.
“I don’t think so, barnacle beard,” she muttered.
She snapped her fingers, and down on the beach, Koroneis instantly turned into a bird with pitch-black feathers—the first crow, which is why koronis means crow in Greek. The crow flew away and left Poseidon on the beach, heartbroken and lonely with a black feather stuck in his hair.
Of course, Poseidon realized that Athena was responsible for changing Koroneis into a crow. He already resented Athena because of their contest over Athens. Now he was starting to hate her.
He decided to look for any opportunity to insult Athena. It didn’t take him long. Pretty soon he became obsessed with another beautiful girl named Medusa.
Unlike Koroneis, Medusa was flattered that the sea god liked her.
They had a nice candlelight dinner together and a walk on the beach. Finally Poseidon said, “Hey, why don’t we go somewhere more private?”
Medusa blushed. “Oh…I don’t know. My sisters warned me about sea gods like you!”
“Aw, c’mon!” Poseidon said. “I know a quiet spot. You’ll love it.”
Medusa should’ve said no, but Poseidon could be pretty charming when he wanted to be.
He took her into town,