no-good cheater?”
Zeus yelped and turned Io into the first thing he could think of: a cow.
Not very nice, turning your girlfriend into a heifer. It’s like word association: chocolate—delicious. Sunlight—warmth. Io—cow! Or maybe Hera’s voice made him think of cows, since that was her sacred creature.
Anyway, when Hera stormed into the clearing, she found Zeus leaning casually against a large white cow.
Hera narrowed her eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Hmm? Oh, hello, dear! Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“What’s with the cow?”
“Cow?” Zeus seemed to notice Io for the first time. “Oh, this cow? Um, nothing. Why?”
Hera clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white. “That cow wouldn’t happen to be one of your girlfriends, cleverly transformed?”
“Ha-ha! Oh, come on, dear. You know I wouldn’t…Um…No, of course not.”
“Then why is the cow here?”
A bead of sweat trickled down the side of Zeus’s face. He panicked and blurted out, “It’s a gift! For you!”
“A gift.”
“Well, yes.” Zeus tried to smile. “Since…cows are sacred to you, right? I wanted it to be a surprise. But, um, if you don’t like it, I can return it to the cow store.”
Hera figured Zeus was more full of manure than the heifer. But she decided to play along.
“Why, thank you, dear,” she said. “It’s wonderful. I’ll take it with me right now.”
“You—you will?”
“Yes.” Hera smiled coldly. She summoned a magical rope and put it around poor Io’s neck. “I think I’ll put her in my sacred grove in Mycenae, where she’ll be safe and well guarded. What’s her name?”
“Um…Io.”
“Come, then, Io.” Hera led the cow away, softly singing, “Io, Io, it’s off to the grove we go.”
As soon as she was gone, Zeus cursed his horrible luck. He kicked some rocks and summoned lightning to blow up trees.
“I was this close!” he yelled. “I have to get that cow back. Who do I know who can steal cows…?”
Of course, he called Hermes.
When Zeus explained the problem, Hermes grinned. “No worries, boss. I’ll sneak into that grove and—”
“It won’t be that simple,” Zeus warned. “Hera said the cow would be well guarded. I’m afraid I know what she meant. She’s got this new giant working for her, a dude named Argus.”
Hermes frowned. “So? I’ll either sneak past him or kill him. I’ve got a sword.”
Zeus shook his head. “This guy is huge and strong and quick. You can’t beat him in a fair fight, even with your sword. And as for sneaking…no way. The guy has eyes in the back of his head, and—”
Hermes laughed. “I’ve heard that before.”
“No. I mean he literally has eyes in the back of his head. And on his arms and legs and all over his body. A hundred eyes.”
“That’s disgusting!”
“I know, right? But he never rests, and he’s always looking in every direction. If he’s guarding Io…”
Hermes scratched his head. “Don’t worry, boss. I’ll figure something out.”
So off he flew. When he got to Hera’s sacred grove, Hermes saw Io the white cow tied to an olive tree. Standing right next to her was the giant Argus.
Just like Zeus had said, Argus was covered with eyes, all blinking and looking around in a dizzy, psychedelic way that made Hermes a little queasy. Argus was about ten feet tall, and the dude obviously worked out. He was holding a big wooden club with iron spikes on the end. Hermes wondered if Argus had eyes in his palms, and if so, whether he got black eyes from holding his club all day.
Hermes changed his form so that he looked like a simple mortal shepherd. His caduceus morphed into a regular wooden staff. He strolled into the grove, whistling casually, and acted surprised when he saw Argus.
“Oh, hello!” Hermes smiled. “My, aren’t you tall!”
Argus blinked several hundred times. He was used to people teasing him about his eyes, but this shepherd didn’t seem horrified or disgusted. The giant wasn’t sure what to make of that.
Hermes wiped his forehead. “Hot day, isn’t it? Mind if I sit and rest?”
Without waiting for permission, Hermes made himself comfortable in the meadow. He set his staff next to him and secretly willed it to begin working its magic on Argus. The caduceus sent out waves of sleepiness—making Argus feel kind of like how you would in sixth period after lunch on a hot day.
SLEEP, the caduceus seemed to say.
But Argus was a big guy with lots of eyes. He’d been bred specifically not to fall asleep. Hermes figured it would take a while. He had to buy time.
“Man, what a