just three cars parked at the front of the entrance.
I had to go, didn’t I? I’m not safe with him. I shake my head in denial. He’d keep me safe, but he’d have to fight the world to keep me. I feel so torn and so confused. I hit the brakes and turn off the side of the road. I let the tears consume me.
I know I need to keep going. I need to run as fast as I can. He’s going to find me if I stay here. The thought brings me more comfort than anything else. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe the feelings I have aren’t healthy. But I hold on to them so I can calm myself. As I look in my rear-view mirror I spot the three cars from earlier driving toward me. None of the cars have their headlights on.
Something triggers inside of me and I quickly put the car into drive and hit the gas. As I speed up, so do they.
My heart beats in my chest with a fear I haven’t felt in so long. They’ve found me. I swallow thickly and search the cars for a face. I don’t know if it’s the Valettis or the Cassanos, but as I make a sharp right and see them follow me, I know it’s one or the other. I wish I could turn around and drive back to him. To Anthony. I wish he were here. I wish he could save me.
He would save me.
Out of instinct, I yell for Anthony. Tears fall down my face. No! I hit the gas harder and the back end of the car swerves. I try to straighten the wheel as my hands grip the leather and I pull to the right, but the car spins out, and in a blur my body smashes to the side. My head smacks against the wheel and my body falls limp. My hand touches my forehead and I look down at my fingers only to see blood. My vision spins and my breath feels hollow, but I have to run. I unbuckle the seatbelt and prepare to run. I have to run. I have to fight.
As my hand grips the handle, the door opens and I look up to see a sick smile from the last person I ever want to see.
“My little mouse came back to me.” I hear his words, followed by the smash of his fist against the side of my temple. I’m vaguely aware that he’s gripping my hair and pulling me out of the car, but I can’t move my legs. Slowly, darkness overwhelms me, and I lose the battle to stay awake.
Anthony
I push the curtain back and watch her drive away. I see her look over her shoulder with one last glance at the house, and it kills me not to run out and get her. I couldn’t move as I felt her stir next to me and leave me. I knew that’s what she was doing, and it took all of me to lie still and let her go free.
I knew she’d leave me. I was a fool to think I could have her. I was wrong to think she’d be safe with me.
She needs to leave me. I can’t protect her. I need to let her go. She doesn’t love me, and Vince will never let me keep her if she doesn’t love me back.
They’ll never understand.
If I could tell her anything right now, I’d tell her to run. Run far away from me.
It hurts. The pain in my chest hurts so fucking much as I watch the car disappear.
She left me. I really thought it was love in her eyes.
Mom. I thought she loved me too.
When Dad killed her in front of me to get rid of the fear and the nightmares, she cried out how much she loved me. I thought that was love, too.
Maybe I’m wrong and I just don’t know what love is.
If love is what’s causing this pain, I don’t want it. But I still want her. Fuck me, I do. I want to lie to myself and think that we can be together in this fucked up way and that the world will leave us alone. But I can’t put her in danger. I’ve been selfish and stupid, and I fucking hate that I ever took her the way I did. At the same time, she’s all I want. If I could go back upstairs and keep her