stand that. I don’t like regret. I do what feels right, and I don’t do what feels wrong. It’s my own insurance policy so that I never regret anything.
At any point in my past, I know whatever I was doing was exactly what I wanted. At least right then and there. And I’d be a fucking liar if I said I didn’t love every minute of Tommy fucking me. I came alive under him. I smile, remembering how loud his bed was. I shake my head and open my fridge looking for a snack or something.
It sucked though, when it was over. I look at the half gallon of milk and the rest of my practically-empty fridge and frown. I close the door and try to shake off this shit feeling. I don’t hold it against him. It never should’ve happened. But it still fucking hurt.
I’m not going to let him stop me from getting to the bottom of Petrov’s case though. I’m sure as fuck going to avoid him like the plague though. I need to get him out of my head. If anyone at the station found out what happened between us, I’d be fucked.
I feel like a bitch for judging all of them and how hard they are after years of doing this shit. No wonder they look at me like I don’t belong. Fuck! I lean my head against the fridge and breathe in and out slowly. I can’t shake this negativity. I can’t get out of my own fucking head. I’m second-guessing everything, and feeling like shit as a result. I need to stop. But I don’t know how.
I slowly open my eyes as I hear a loud knock at my door.
My heart stills in my chest. I have no clue who would come over here this late at night. I wait with anxiety trickling through my limbs for a voice. But I don’t hear anything. I walk silently, but quickly to the end table and pick up my gun where I left it. I hold it down and walk steadily as I hear a loud knock again.
Bang. Bang. Bang! On the third, I hear his voice say, “Open up, Tonya.” Relief washes through my body and I almost put the gun down, but then I think twice.
I look at it in my hands and remember how angry the other members of the Valetti familia were. In two days, I’ve managed to piss off more men than my mom has in her entire life. That's saying something.
“I know you’re in there, you may be a bad girl, but I don’t want you pushing me right now.” His voice doesn’t come out hard, but it's not playful either. It’s almost a little worried. Like he’s fairly confident that I’ll answer him, but scared that I won’t.
I like that.
I like making him wait. Not because I don’t want to answer him, I do. The wild side of me is jumping at the chance to answer him. But I also like keeping him on edge.
I put the gun down on the end table. It may be stupid, but I don’t care right now. I walk to the door and unlock it. I wait a second to see if he’ll open it. But he doesn’t. He respects that boundary. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can’t let myself go back to how it was before. This is going to be professional.
I open the door and curse myself as my eyes land on his hard, muscular body. Fuck, I want him. I want all of him. I close my eyes and don’t open them as he speaks.
“What are you doing snooping around?” He gets right to the point, and anger rises within me. Enough so that I can stare back at him.
“Snooping around?” I’m not snooping. I’m simply trying to get answers.
“You need to knock it off.” His voice is stern and admonishing. It pisses me off, but also lights something else in me. Something I need to let die.
“I don’t need to do anything, and as far as you’re concerned, you weren’t giving me what I needed, so I had to go somewhere else.” I know the double meaning there. And I hate that it slipped out. I feel fucking pathetic.
His eyebrows raise, and he looks me up and down like he’s sizing me up, but I can see he’s angry. “Is that so?” he says with a neutral tone.
I start backpedaling the best I