though.
“Good. Let’s move on. How about work? How has it been integrating with your coworkers?”
I fucking hate my coworkers. I need to find something other than working as a clerk at the hardware store. I can’t wait for classes to start up.
I take a deep breath and think about Mindy. She’s the only one I freaking talk to because of our shifts. She’s a little firecracker, and I like her. But she’s also a ho. She’s currently sleeping with Jeremy, who’s the store manager. And also the boyfriend of Tammy who works in the stockroom and orders supplies.
“It’s just like any other retail job,” I finally answer. I’m pretty sure that’s not true. But I don’t want this to become a bitch session.
Kane got me a job at a restaurant, but I turned it down. I was going to withdraw from the university too, before classes even started; he convinced me not to, though. I’m grateful for that. I’m really looking forward to it.
I pushed the chance at going back to school away at first, because Kane was paying for it. But one of Vince’s men, Tony I think, tracked down my father’s money and wired it to me. I half wondered if it’s really my father’s, but I stopped putting effort into thinking about it.
I got the money a few days ago and I want to quit this shit job, but I feel like I need to be a part of the real world again. I really fucking hate that petty drama though.
Kane told me once that I could get a job at the restaurant whenever I wanted. He also said I could move back in with him and not have to work, or do whatever the fuck I wanted.
It’s so tempting, but I keep pushing him away.
I thought I needed to be apart from him. But I miss him so damn much.
I haven’t cried for him in over a week. I haven’t called him. I haven’t even seen him in over a week. Sometimes when I’m walking to a nearby café on my lunch break, I swear I feel his eyes on me. But when I turn around, no one’s there. It breaks my fucking heart every time.
“What are you thinking now?” Dr. Mae asks, and it pulls me from my thoughts.
I don’t want to admit it, but I tell the truth. That’s the only way I’ll get better.
“About Kane.” I swallow. “I miss him.”
She nods her head and scribbles something in her notebook. “Any more late night calls?”
“No. I haven’t seen him in over a week now.” She cocks a brow as she writes more in that damn book.
“I see. And have you thought about seeing him?” she asks as though she thinks it would be alright.
The word falls out of my mouth easily. “Yes.” I’ve thought of him holding me. Almost every night I try to remember our nights together so I can focus on a bit of happiness. The sweet moments of passion. I know he loves me. I think he loves me.
“Is it wrong that I care for him so much?” I ask her.
“You’ve asked me that before.” She places her glasses onto the table and reaches for her cup of coffee. “I think it’s reasonable to idolize him. I think it’s natural that you developed feelings for him. The question is, why do you think it’s so wrong?”
“I started having feelings for him before I was capable of leaving on my own.”
She nods her head. “And after?”
“After what?” I ask.
“After you left him? The feelings are still there, yes?”
“Yes.” My hand flies to my heart as an ache radiates through my chest. Every moment I remember I left him, it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. I know I hurt him. He saved me, and I fucking killed him by leaving him.
“What would you do if you could see him right now?”
Fuck him. I would hold him, I would kiss him, I would beg him to fuck me. I purse my lips and the good doctor smirks at me. Am I that obvious?
“Do you still think he deserves better?” she asks. I don’t know the answer. I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely whole again. I may forever be haunted. And he deserves better than that. He’s a good man.
She leans forward and looks me in the eyes. “Or maybe a better question to ask is, do you think you deserve happiness?”
Kane
“How’s she doing?” I hear Anthony ask. I turn on my