me to forgive her as her hands clasp in front of her and tears fall down her face. It melts my anger and just makes me sad. I feel pathetic believing her, but I really do. I can help her. I know I can.
“I’ll figure this out, Mom.”
She practically runs to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, crying as she says thank you and sorry over and over again. I pat her back and try to comfort her until I can send her away.
I stare at the closed door and feel sick to my stomach. She hasn’t paid a single dime on the mortgage. So there’s a couple grand that I owe there. But what’s even worse are the credit cards. Cash withdrawals of thousands of dollars at 22%. I’ll consolidate. I don’t know who’s going to give me a loan for that amount. But I’ll find a way. I sift through the papers and mentally calculate what I need. A little over 26k in total. My heart sinks. I made 22k a year at my old college, and a measly 14k being the night shift part-timer in the lab. I have nothing saved up because of her last “situation”. And I make 26k at this university and haven’t found a job here yet.
My head falls into my hands. There’s just no way. I don’t see how anyone would loan me the money.
I’ll try. The least I can do is try. I stand up from the desk and breathe in deep. I’m not going to cry because that accomplishes nothing.
I take one step and wince. I can still feel him inside of me. I feel raw and sore, but I love it. It’s a strange feeling, finally giving myself to someone.
I shake my head and sigh as I lay down on the bed. It’s not even made. All my stuff is still in moving boxes, along with my sheets. I don’t have much. But it’ll feel better once this room looks like my old bedroom.
I close my eyes and remember his hands on me. The heated looks he gave me as he fucked me. I moan and clench my thighs, loving the soreness. I want him again and again. I loved the way he fucked me. I’ve really been missing out.
I pop up and and dig in my purse for the birth control pills. It’s a few hours late, but it’ll be alright. I bite the inside of my cheek. Maybe I should get the morning after pill too. I feel my cheeks flame and I start feeling … dirty. I don’t like the tightness in my chest. I wanted the whole experience and I got it. Maybe I’m na?ve or stupid. I don’t know, maybe I’m a slut for wanting that. I swallow the lump in my throat and grab my bottle of water to swallow down the pill. It doesn’t matter now. I got what I wanted.
My heart hurts. I don’t know what to think. One moment he’s noncommittal, the next he’s kissing me like he needs the air in my lungs to breathe.
I understand it probably seemed like a hookup last night, but I can’t help wanting more.
I roll my eyes. Of course I’m being a clingy bitch. No man wants that. And that’s not what this was. It may have felt like more to me, but I’m sure that’s only because he was my first. I wonder if I told him that last night. I’m too embarrassed to ask. I pick up my phone and scroll through the contacts. Before we left he called himself from my phone so he’d have my number. I like that. I like how in charge he is. My eyes widen as I look at the screen and see it light up with a text from him.
Shit! I didn’t press send or anything, did I? I stare at it for a moment trying to figure out what the hell I did before I realize he’s the one who sent me a text. My heart beats rapidly and I find my body heating with nerves.
What the hell? I feel like I’m in high school again. I calm my nerves and realize the reason he's texting is just that I've left one of my textbooks back at his place.
That was stupid of me. Also… I’m gonna need that so I can sell it. These books aren’t cheap.
As I’m debating how to reply, another text comes through:
Meet me at my parents' house,