really long fucking time, but it’s never felt like that before. More than anything, I feel triumphant. Like I've tamed the untamable.
I let a few minutes go by for my heart to calm down. You’d think I held my breath the whole fucking time. My lips travel along her shoulder and I leave a sweet kiss on the tender part of her neck, just behind her ear before getting up. She was so fucking good, better than I fucking hoped she'd be.
I need to get her something to clean up with.
When I get back from the bathroom, she’s sitting up on the bed holding the comforter across her chest. Her hair’s a mess, her lips are swollen from my kiss, and her skin looks radiant. She looks like she got fucked, and it looks damn good on her.
I pass her the washcloth and pretend like I’m looking away while I pull on my boxers.
She rolls off the bed and sashays her ass in my face. I know she did that shit on purpose. I smack my hand playfully across that perky, lush ass, and smile as she jumps and turns around to face me. A deep red blush colors her cheeks as she smiles shyly back at me.
That’s when it hits me.
This broad is getting to me. I watch as she grabs her clothes. All the bits of happiness leave me in an instant. I didn’t check for a wire. Fuck. Fuck, how could I forget she’s a cop?
I didn’t say anything, though. I know I didn’t. I replay the scene in my head.
It’s like snapping back to reality. I don’t know what the fuck happened.
Shit. Maybe she wanted this. She wanted to get close to me. Fuck. Fuck. I keep fucking this up. I’m so drawn to her. I run a hand down my face in exasperation. What the hell was I thinking? I keep losing my shit when she’s around.
I look at her from across the room as she pulls her jeans up and over her sweet ass. Fuck, even right now as I’m telling myself this is wrong, my dick is hardening at the chance to be inside her again.
“This shit can’t happen.” I say the words before I forget that I need this to be over. “It can’t happen again.”
She turns to face me with a look of shock and hurt. But she’s quick to cover it up. It fucking kills me. A weight pushes against my chest. It fucking hurts. I hate that I hurt her. “You’re right. Sorry it happened.” She talks clearly, and with a hint of sarcasm, but doesn’t face me. She sounds fucking pissed, but there’s an undertone of sadness. She's doing what she does best, and masking her true feelings.
I walk over to her to hold her, or apologize, or something--I don’t know what, but she makes a beeline for her purse and then starts heading to the door. It fucking hurts, but that’s what I get. What did I expect, opening my mouth and ruining it?
We were playing house though. Caught up in something that doesn’t exist.
“I’m not kicking you out.” I talk to her back as she walks out on me. I may as well have kicked her out though. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This needs to go down like this. She needs to be pissed at me. But I don’t want that.
This is all so fucked.
She turns to face me as I walk up behind her before she can open the door. I want to say something to her. I don’t know what. I just don’t want her to leave like this.
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.” Her voice is hard and full of menace, but her eyes are glassy with tears. It fucking guts me.
“Stop it, Tonya. It’s not like that.” She turns her back to me to open the door, but I put my hand above hers to keep it from opening. She turns around and I cage her in. She closes her eyes to avoid my stare.
“Stop it. You know I didn’t mean it like that.” I talk with a gentle tone and try to calm her down. But her defenses are way up. She’s not giving me anything. “You don’t want this anyway. You’re a cop. I’m suspect in your case for fuck's sake.”
“You didn’t do it,” she says calmly. Her admission shocks me. If she knows I didn’t do it, what the fuck is she after me