did he do it unconsciously? Intimidation was like breathing for him. “And you will, if you value your sister’s happiness and safety.”
Breathe. Just breathe. He can’t hurt you now.
Or he wouldn’t. At least, I didn’t think he would. I was pretty sure.
“I can’t do that,” I repeated, trying to keep my voice neutral, “because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t be absurd.”
“I’m not being absurd. I’m just saying I didn’t know anything was wrong. Katie seemed fine the last time I saw her.”
I hoped he wouldn’t ask when that was. And no, she hadn’t seemed fine, but I’d be damned if I told my dad anything about that until I knew what he wanted. And maybe not even then.
“Then you weren’t paying attention.” He gave me a withering look. “For someone who claims his sister’s well-being is his top priority, I’d expect you to be a little more observant.”
He was trying to bait me, and I was stressed enough that I snapped back.
“Okay, well, obviously you’re convinced something’s wrong, so why don’t you just tell me what it is and we can go from there.”
“You watch your tone.” My dad took another step towards me.
I refused to let myself step back, though every muscle in my body was screaming that was what I needed to do. The waves of anger rolling off of him were so strong they were almost visible. Apologies and denials pressed at my lips, but I kept my mouth closed and, abruptly, he turned away and stared out the window.
I tried not to heave a sigh of relief. And failed.
“I’m not sure what’s wrong, exactly,” my dad said. “But something is. She’s distracted. Missing stunts that she knows how to do. Sloppy form. Her mile times have been slower for a month now, and she acts like practices are a chore. Says she’s tired.”
It was the derision in his voice that got me more than anything. Contempt not just for Katie’s performance but for her effort. For his daughter herself, when she bent over backwards—literally—to please him.
“I know this is going out on a limb here, but have you considered listening to her? If she says she’s tired—”
“She’s lying.” My dad gave me a hard look. “She has no problem going to school, spending all her free time with her friends, and being late to practice.”
“Yeah, but those things are different from cheerleading. They don’t require being thrown in the air or flipping yourself over backwards seventeen times in a row. It’s possible to be tired of one and not the other.”
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if Katie wasn’t just tired at this particular point in the season. Maybe she was tired of cheerleading period.
She’d been doing it since she was a little kid, ever since she figured out how to do a handspring and my dad decided it was a sign of God’s favor. He’d managed to find a Christian cheerleading gym—not hard, this deep in the south—and the sport had shaped her life ever since.
I’d always thought she enjoyed it, but it was possible to grow out of things. To want to control your own destiny. To wish for just an ounce of freedom.
My dad looked unimpressed, and despite my better judgement, I tried to explain my point.
“I’m just saying, cheerleading is a hobby. And sometimes people—”
“It’s more than just a hobby,” my dad spat. “It’s an honor. Everything she does on that team is for the glory of God. She is a beacon for people, showing the rewards of living a chaste and virtuous life. I would think everyone in our family understood that. Including your sister.”
You might think that my dad, fire-and-brimstone-lover that he was, might object to the short outfits that most female cheerleaders wore, or the fact that boys were putting their hands all over his daughter’s body. But you’d be wrong.
As long as the gym had the ten commandments painted on the wall, he saw no problem with it. And as long as Katie kept outshining the competition, he was happy.
My dad saw his kids as extensions of himself, and since I’d turned out to be a total disappointment, he’d invested even more heavily in Katie. Every win or record she racked up was a sign that God favored not just her, but my dad. Every trophy and award added to his own sense of self-righteousness.
I wanted to tell him to back off. That it was Katie’s life, and if he didn’t want