who already knows.”
“Oh.” Whatever I’d been expecting Julian to say, it wasn’t that.
“And I think she thinks I’m like, really sad about living on Summersea all these years and am friendless and alone. So I thought if she saw that I had friends…”
Friends. Right. Because that was what we were.
Just because we’d spent one night—one very chaste night, I might add—on the couch didn’t mean that the slate was wiped clean. I’d still said horrible things to him. Horrible, hurtful things. Julian had every reason not to trust me with his heart again.
We were friends. I had to learn to let that be enough. No matter how much I might want more.
“Sure.” I made myself smile. Made myself hold it, feel it, mean it. “Dinner sounds great.”
I felt distinctly odd walking up to Julian’s house that evening when the sun was still up.
I’d been invited. And even if Julian hadn’t specifically asked me to come, there was no reason one adult couldn’t knock on another one’s door in broad daylight. I was bringing my dog for Christ’s sake, and Katie would be there.
And yet somehow, it still felt illicit. Like I was doing something in public that was usually reserved for late nights and whispers under covers.
“I’ll get it!” Katie’s voice rang through the house as her footsteps approached the door, followed by Julian’s aggravated, “You’re supposed to be resting,” slightly muffled by the distance.
Katie pulled the door open and smiled brightly. She was wearing an Adair High t-shirt and a blanket wrapped around her waist like a skirt. Her curly black hair was piled up in a bun perched on the top of her head.
“Hi,” she said, sticking a hand out. “I’m Katie. I don’t think we’ve officially met.”
Feeling a bit like I was at the world’s strangest job interview, I took her hand and shook it.
“Uh. Right. Hey. I’m Connor.”
I wondered if I should remind her that we had met before, back when she was a little kid, and decided maybe it was safer not to mention anything associated with high school. Julian had said he’d come out to her, but I didn’t know what else he might have told her.
Katie glanced down at Roxie and her face lit up.
“I have met your dog, though.” She started to bend down, hissed in pain, and straightened up. Roxie pushed forward to lick her hand. “She’s really cute.”
“She’s shameless,” I said. “But she seems to like you.”
In truth, Roxie liked everyone, but it made Katie smile. As Katie stepped back from the door, Roxie pressed up against Katie’s leg and leaned into the scratches Katie gave her behind her ears.
“You promised to take it easy,” Julian said as he walked up the hall from the kitchen.
“I am taking it easy.” Katie pointed to her blanket skirt. “I’ve done nothing but lie on the couch all day.”
“You seem suspiciously upright, currently.”
“I wanted to meet your friend. Besides, we’re eating soon. Or do you want me to do that from bed, too?”
“Don’t tempt me.” Julian pointed to the guest room door, then the living room. “Bed or couch, take your pick. We’re not eating for another twenty minutes anyway.”
“Spoilsport.” Katie rolled her eyes, then looked down at Roxie. “Come on, pupper. We can tell when we’re not wanted.”
Roxie dutifully followed her down the hall to the guest room.
I looked at Julian, feeling awkward now that the two of us were alone. Should I hug him? Was that a normal thing to do? In his presence, it was hard to remember anything about what normal life was like.
Then he crossed his arms and made the decision for me. I tried not to deflate too much. I was probably in no condition to be close to him anyway, right now. I didn’t trust myself.
“Hey,” Julian said.
His bright eyes scrutinized my face, and he bit his lower lip, and I was torn between wanting to pull it loose with my thumb or sink through the floor. Was he regretting his invitation already?
“Hey.” I shoved my hands in my pockets.
“I’m glad you came.”
Was he? How glad? And why?
“Uh, yeah. Me too.”
We stood there for a beat, and I prayed silently—which is saying something, since I’m on record as saying that’s a pointless practice—for a lightning bolt to come down through the ceiling and strike me.
You said you wanted to be friends with him, the little voice in the back of my head reminded me. You said you’d take him however he wanted you. Even if this