the squeal of brakes as the driver finally noticed Julian. Julian looked up at the sound, his eyes wide, his body immobilized in the blinding white headlights.
My fingers closed around his shoulder and I pulled backward as hard as I could. Julian and I toppled over as the car flew past in a cloud of gravel and exhaust. I felt the burn of asphalt on my skin where I landed on my back, Julian’s body on top of mine.
I pushed myself up immediately. I was dizzy, and my palms hurt where they’d been scraped, but none of that mattered right now.
“Are you okay?”
I sat Julian up, holding his arms out and scanning them for injuries. He didn’t say anything—just gave me a dazed look. He wasn’t screaming in pain, at least, but I needed to know for sure. My hands roamed across his body, checking his arms and legs for signs of damage. Had I really managed to pull him away in time?
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked. “Even if you’re not bleeding, something could be broken or…”
I trailed off at Julian’s still dazed expression. He cocked his head to the side and looked at me like he was just realizing I was there. Gretchen, the little brat, trotted over and crawled into his lap as though she hadn’t been trying to run away for all she was worth only thirty seconds ago. I didn’t think Julian even noticed.
Too impatient—no, too scared—to wait for Julian to remember how to talk, I began to check him again. I just wanted to reassure myself he was okay. It didn’t seem right, somehow, that he’d come through unscathed. It seemed too much like the universe giving me a break.
But miraculously, the only part of Julian that seemed to be injured at all was his wrist where Gretchen had bitten him, and while that did need to be dealt with, it was nothing like the catastrophe I’d been picturing. I was still holding his arm out, examining it, when Julian finally spoke.
“Why did you leave?”
His voice was shaky, and I wondered if I’d misheard him. Or—God—he hadn’t hit his head, had he?
“What?” I shook my head, tried to make my voice gentler. “I didn’t leave. I came back. To apologize.”
“No,” Julian said, his head still tilted unnervingly to the side. “Why did you leave?”
My eyebrows drew down in concern. “Do you mean this morning? I left because—well, because you told me to. But I was out of line, and I’m sorry. That’s what I came to say tonight.”
Julian shook his head slowly. “Not this morning.” He closed his eyes with a grimace of pain, and I wasn’t sure if it was physical, or something else that was bothering him. When he spoke again, I knew.
“You left ten years ago,” Julian said. His voice was still shaky, but something about it pinned me down. “You left without saying goodbye.” The look he gave me then wasn’t dazed at all. His eyes were clear, and they flayed me. “I need you to tell me why.”
12
Julian
Connor stared at me, and I wondered if the fear in his eyes was leftover from that car almost hitting us, or if it was in response to my question.
“Please.”
I felt pathetic, sitting there on the pavement, miscreant feline in my lap, begging Connor for an explanation. But as that car had barrelled towards me, headlights blotting out all other thoughts, that was the question that had remained. I needed to know.
“Inside,” Connor said, his voice gruff. What else was new? “We should go inside.”
Barely a minute had passed, but I could already tell I was going to be sore tomorrow. I stood up slowly, brushing the dirt and gravel from my clothes under Connor’s watchful eye. Gretchen purred up a storm, draping herself around my shoulders like she’d never wanted to be anywhere else.
“Crazy cat,” I muttered, petting her.
Connor insisted on asking me if I was okay five more times once we were inside. I answered mechanically. I was okay, but he was stalling, and I was suddenly so tired of not knowing, of waiting, of wondering.
“Do you need a glass of water? Or food? Maybe you should lie down. I’m still not sure you—”
“Connor.”
My voice wasn’t even very loud, but he stopped like I’d cracked a whip. He looked at me. Put his hands in his pockets. Nodded.
Roxie and Gretchen were tussling on the living room floor, and I sat down in the green armchair with its back to