one person there I could stand to talk to. And that was how, eight days into my stay at Peachtree, I managed to come out to someone for the first time. He took it with an almost disappointing lack of fanfare and just nodded, asking how I felt now that I’d told him.
And somehow, telling Nick made me think maybe I should tell Esther. And telling Esther made me think that maybe, just maybe, telling other people wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. And the next thing you know, it’s 22 days later and I’m waiting for Esther to come pick me up as I check out of Peachtree, trying not to act anywhere near as panicky as I felt.
“I can do this, right?” I asked, glancing over at Nick where he sat in a wicker chair in the atrium. Indoor orange trees rose up around us, stretching to the glassed-in roof. My bag was packed, lying on the terracotta-tiled floor next to the chair I’d been sitting in until I realized I was too nervous to sit.
“You can definitely do this,” Nick said. “Unless you can’t, in which case, you come back here and we watch more Bob Ross and you avoid talking to any of the people here who are actually qualified to help you out.”
“You’re qualified,” I shot back. Nick arched an eyebrow and I made a face. “Well, kind of.”
“I’m flattered you think so highly of me,” he said with a smile.
“God. What if like, everyone’s seen those videos by now? What if there were even more than I knew about? You know, it’s not really fair that they make you give up your phone and internet use here. I have no idea what I’m facing in the real world.”
“Well, what if everyone’s seen those videos. What if there are more? How would you feel about that?”
“Terrible.”
“And what would you do about that?”
I sighed. “Probably nothing. Ugh, I get it. I know like, I still have to do the whole coming out thing and be honest with myself and all that but why does personal growth have to suck so much?”
Nick smiled. “Beats me. It definitely does, though. You’re right.”
“What if none of my friends like me anymore? God, that sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“It sounds like a question we all ask ourselves like, once a week. That’s a normal thing to worry about, even if all you did was talk to someone at a party with food in your teeth.”
“What if Ben doesn’t like me anymore?” I blurted out.
Nick gave me a kind look. “I wondered when that was going to come up.”
“He gets back from tour soon,” I went on. “I know I have to tell him but I just. Fuck. I don’t want to. What if he’s mad that I’ve been lying to him for seven years?”
“What if he says he understands and he still loves you and is your friend no matter what?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe I should just wait until I’m 80 years old and on my deathbed to tell him I’m gay. Might be safer that way.”
“I mean, you could,” Nick said, shrugging. “Would you really want to though?”
“Ugh.” I ran a hand through my hair. “I might. What if he hates me?”
“He’s not going to hate you.”
“How do you know? You haven’t met him.”
“But I’ve met you. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be head over heels for someone who was that much of a dick.”
“God, this is so embarrassing,” I sighed. “Why can’t I just be a normal human person? Like, people come out every day and it’s not a big deal. Why does my stupid brain think it is?”
“I don’t know,” Nick offered. “But your stupid brain is also the same brain that made you the friends you have, that can play any instrument it sees, that got you this far in life. Be a shame to trade it in.”
I turned back towards the rest of the building, looking down the hallway to where my room had been. “Part of me just wants to run back there and never leave. Are you sure I can do this?”
Nick stood up and pulled me into a hug.
“You can do this,” he said, squeezing my shoulders tight before releasing me and stepping back. “I promise. And you can text me anytime you need to talk.”
“Thanks,” I said glumly. “God, I wish Esther would just get here so we could get this over with. Even if everyone ends up hating me—”
“Which they won’t—”
“—I just want to know.”
I turned and glanced over my shoulder absentmindedly, then froze. I was waiting for Esther to pick me up. But the person walking through the front doors wasn’t Esther. It was the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen—6’2”, broad shoulders, blond hair, and eyes so blue you could swim in them.
“Ben?” I said, my jaw dropping open. “What are you doing here?”
Keep reading Adam’s Song…
Also by Spencer Spears
Have you read the first two books in the Murphy Brothers series? Wild Heart tells Deacon and Mal’s story, and Free Spirit tells Em and Tate’s.
Wild Heart
Free Spirit
Have you read my 8 Million Hearts series? It follows a group of five friends as they find their happy endings in New York City. Each book is over 100,000 words, with plenty of snark, sweetness, and steam to sink into. You can read them all as stand-alones, but personally, I think they’re even better together!
Adam’s Song
Gray for You
Oliver Ever After
Hunter’s Heart
Nick, Very Deeply
If you’ve finished the 8 Million Hearts series, check out my Maple Springs series. Set in small-town Minnesota, this series follows four friends as they fall in love and find their forevers in the north woods.
Billion Dollar Bet
Beneath Orion
Sugar Season
Strawberry Moon
About Spencer
Hi! I’m Spencer, and I would like to make you cry—and then make you smile so hard at an ending so happy that you forget why you've got tears rolling down your cheeks.
I write LGBTQ+ stories that are snarky, sweet, and break your heart in all the best ways, and I believe that everyone deserves to have their love story told. I’m so happy you picked up this book!
When not at the computer, you can find me running, hugging a tree, or curled up with a good book... and probably a cocktail or two.
To keep up with my new releases, you can…
follow me on Amazon
find me on Facebook or join my reader group
find me on GoodReads or BookBub
visit my website, www.spencerspears.com
sign up for my newsletter at: http://eepurl.com/cvb5KT.