been expecting?
And yet, every second of this morning just twisted the knife, pushing it deeper.
“Julian, please.” I hated begging, but I couldn’t stop myself. “You said you wanted things to be different. Did you not mean any of that? You said you wanted to stop hiding.”
“I said I needed time. It’s only been two weeks.”
“It’s been a hell of a lot longer than two weeks.”
“And it’s only going to get longer the more you push me,” Julian snapped. “You really don’t get it, do you? This isn’t a decision I can make lightly, just because Katie happened to show up. It’s not a spur of the moment thing. This is my life we’re talking about.”
“It’s my life too.”
We stood there, glaring at each other, the air charged around us. Julian shook his head, and a new fissure cracked through my heart.
“I just can’t do this now.” He crossed to his chest of drawers again and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, pushing them at me. “Please, just—can we talk about this later?”
I took the clothing from him, numb. Later. It was always later, with Julian.
“I’ll bring Roxie to the Wisteria tonight, okay?” He stared at me until I began pulling the clothes on. “We’ll talk. I promise.”
Would we? Did I even want to? What the hell was the point?
“Forget it.” I walked to the window, put one leg through it. “I’ll come get her later. Wouldn’t want you to have to be seen anywhere near me or my family.”
“Connor, that’s not—please don’t be mad at me.”
I pulled the rest of my body through the window, then lowered myself to the ground.
“See you, Julian.”
I didn’t stick around to hear if he said goodbye.
14
Julian
“Hey, you.”
I pulled my t-shirt on over my head and stepped out into the hall. The curtains in my bedroom were still moving from Connor’s departure, but I shoved that thought away. I didn’t have time to deal with Connor’s anger right now—I was too focused on making sure Katie wasn’t aware of his existence.
Katie had already picked an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table and was biting into it as she peered inside the fridge. I crossed to the silverware drawer and handed her a spoon to go with the yogurt she pulled out.
“You sure Dad’s not gonna be pissed when he finds out you were here,” I asked as I began making coffee.
Katie sank into a chair and ripped the top off her yogurt. “I mean, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right?”
Or us, hopefully, I amended mentally.
“He’s been pushing me to train more, actually,” Katie continued as I pulled mugs down from the cabinet and set them on the table. “So I don’t think he’ll mind the running part.”
She dug into her yogurt with relish, and I began to relax. She didn’t seem like she’d seen—or heard—anything she shouldn’t have.
Then my brain caught up with my ears.
“Wait, he’s pushing you to train more? Is that even possible? Training is like, all you do.”
“Tell me about it.” Katie slumped down in her chair, closing her eyes in bliss for a moment as she ate another spoonful of yogurt.
I looked at her more closely, searching her face for signs of… Well, I wasn’t really sure. Did she look more tired than usual? It was hard to say. She always looked tired, but she was usually such a ball of energy that I forgot that wasn’t necessarily normal.
She opened her eyes and grinned at me around her spoon, but there was something strained about her smile.
“Is everything going okay at practice?”
It was a wild guess, but from Katie’s subtle flinch, I realized I’d hit a nerve. She looked out the window, scraping out the bottom of her yogurt container instead of answering. The coffee maker beeped and I decided not to push. I got up to grab it and the milk—and another yogurt—and bring them to the table.
I snagged the bag of bagels too, and the peanut butter I knew she liked. Just a few days ago, Connor had teased me for spending so much money on it.
Which brought his face back to mind—not that it was ever far out of it. But his expressions this morning—confused, surprised, angry, and then, worst of all, hurt—felt burned into my brain. I’d hurt him. He’d told me he was afraid of that, and I’d gone and done it anyway.
But dammit, couldn’t he see that the time for a conversation between us wasn’t the moment when