that I now realized was a voicemail message for Gideon's oldest daughter, presumably left by his wife. I had no clue why he was having me listen to the message, but it was clear from the way Serena was speaking that she was upset and crying. I could hear what sounded like a child crying in the background.
I tried, Em. Your daddy doesn't want to fix it. He wants to take you away from me. He says he won't let you see me anymore. He's going to take Bethie too. I can't be alone, honey. You know I can't. He—he says he doesn't love me. He doesn't love you either. He never wanted you. He just wants to take you away from me to hurt me. I just wanted us to be a family again.
I flinched at the clear attack on Gideon's character. I didn't believe for a second that he’d threatened to take the children away from their mother solely for the purpose of hurting her. Serena's voice was high-pitched, nearly hysterical. It had the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up. The child in the background began screaming.
It's okay, Bethie. Mommy's here. Mommy's going to make it better. Em, I love you, my sweet little girl. I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I have to. I can't let him take you away from me. I can't be alone. I'm sorry.
I could hear horns honking in the background and so I assumed some of the noise I was hearing behind Serena's voice was that of an engine. I felt sick to my stomach as I realized why Gideon had played the message for me.
I shook my head even as Serena continued to say her goodbyes to her oldest child. The little girl in the car continued to cry and scream.
Mommy's here, Bethie! Mommy's here! It will be over soon! It will be over soon…
Serena kept repeating the same phrases over and over even as the sound of metal on metal nearly drowned her out. Then the engine revving masked Serena's declaration to her young daughter. Serena suddenly screamed and then the recording cut out. I shook my head in disbelief because I couldn't comprehend what I’d just heard.
Not only had Serena taken the life of her little girl as she’d ended her own, she’d left her oldest daughter a suicide note in the form of a voicemail message.
I felt like I was going to be sick. I could feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes and I had to reach out to find the railing for the stairs to hold myself up. "Gideon," I somehow managed to breathe out, though I wasn't sure how that was possible since my throat felt completely closed off. I wanted him to take back the message… to unplay it somehow.
"Did Emma hear that?" I choked out.
"Yes," Gideon said. "She got the message thirty minutes after her mother drove her car over a cliff on the Pacific Coast Highway in northern California. Divers found Serena's body in the car. They never found Bethie's."
"Could she be—" I began before I realized what I was even asking.
"No," Gideon said simply. "Witnesses saw her in the car before Serena drove it over the cliff."
I didn't know what to say. Telling him I was sorry meant absolutely nothing. He’d probably heard that thousands of times since he’d lost his little girl. "Gideon," I said helplessly.
"I just wanted to tell you so you'd know why I just want to be left alone." I heard Gideon's boots moving over the snow. I realized he was leaving.
"Gideon," I said as I moved down the last couple of steps. But I wasn't paying attention, so my foot slid on the lip of one of the steps. I would've gone flying if Gideon hadn't caught me by the arm.
"No, Lex!" he yelled as he righted me. "I don't want to do this!"
"Do what?" I asked in confusion. "I only want to make sure—"
"What? That I'm okay? Because I'm not fucking okay! I will never be okay! That's what I'm trying to tell you. One kid is dead, the other won't speak to me. I came back to this hole-in-the-wall town so I could be left in peace! I just need you to leave me alone!"
Gideon released my arm but placed my hand on the banister next to me so I wouldn’t lose my point of reference. His verbal attack had stunned me into silence and by