it best that she stay with them for a while. I was okay with it because I wasn't really in any position to take care of Emma. I waited too long to go and get her. Emma wanted nothing to do with me and Serena's parents told me all I was doing was hurting her by coming around. I blamed myself for what had happened, so I thought they were right. I thought Emma was better off without me. It took a long time for me to get my head out of my ass. By the time I did, it was too late."
"What do you mean?"
"Serena's parents filed for full custody of Emma. They got it."
"But you were her father. Surely, the judge recognized that—"
"There was no judge. I didn't contest the petition for custody. I couldn't."
"I don't understand. Why not?"
My fingers shook as the truth hovered on my tongue. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell Lex, it was just that I'd never uttered the words out loud. "She's not mine, Lex."
"I don't—"
"Emma isn't my biological daughter. Serena cheated on me and got pregnant. But she told me the baby was mine. I didn't find out until a few years after Emma was born. She fell out of a tree house and cut her arm pretty badly. The hospital typed her blood. Serena and I had the same blood type. Type A. But Emma was type B. When I confronted Serena about it, she told me the truth."
"Gideon," Lex said softly.
"It didn't matter," I said. "I'd raised her. I’d loved her from the moment I'd seen her on the sonogram. She was mine. Nothing was ever going to change that." I paused before adding, "When I talked to a lawyer about getting custody of Emma from her mother, he told me I'd have to take a paternity test. It was just standard procedure. As much as I didn't want Emma to find out that I wasn't her biological father, I'd been willing to risk it to get her away from Serena. But when Serena died and Emma blamed me, I knew I couldn't let her find out the truth. I didn't want her to feel like she’d lost two parents…"
"So you let Emma keep blaming you for what happened. For wanting the divorce. You didn't fight her grandparents for custody because you wanted to protect her from finding out that you weren’t her real father and that her mother had lied to all of you."
"Yeah."
"What about Bethie?"
"She was mine," I said.
Lex didn't say anything, but he leaned in and put both arms around me. I took strength from his comfort. "After about six months, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake. I contacted a lawyer to see if I could get Emma back. He thought I had a good case. I wanted to give Emma's grandparents a chance to talk about some kind of custody sharing arrangement, but they refused to even consider it. My lawyer filed the motion, but it didn't matter."
"Because they took her and ran," Lex murmured.
"They saw me as the monster responsible for their daughter's death. And it wasn't like we’d been on great terms before Serena had died either. I didn't really have a lot of options at that point. The courts didn't recognize me as Emma's legal guardian and my lawyer doubted the judge would file any kind of restraining order against Serena's parents since I wasn't her biological father. The lawyer said it could take years to even get a court to hear my case and act on it. Serena's parents had enough money to stay lost for as long as they wanted."
"So you spent every penny you had on private detectives to try to find them," Lex said.
I sighed. Apparently, King had really done his homework.
"There were some leads at first, but none of them ever checked out. I still have a guy keeping an eye out, but I think he's just going through the motions so he can collect his monthly fee."
"King said when your grandparents left you this house, it was paid off. Did you take a loan against it to pay the private investigator?"
I couldn't even be annoyed with King. It was all information I would've told Lex eventually. But then a dark thought went through my head and I turned toward Lex and grabbed his face. "Lex, I swear to you, I was never going to ask you for any kind of loan or anything. Or