calling Gideon after he’d dropped me off. I'd already imposed on the man so much and it hadn't been something I'd wanted to repeat. But when he’d shown up the very next day, I'd been elated. I’d actually stood in the kitchen near the front door so I could let the man in, but when there had been no knock and I'd heard the sound of his engine disappearing in the distance, I'd been bereft. I'd written it off to him being in a rush, but then when it had happened again that night and the next day and the day after, I’d accepted that he wasn't interested in seeing me. All he wanted was to do his job as caretaker of the cabin.
But this morning when my blood sugar had started to go above normal for me, I’d realized I didn't have a lot of options and I'd made that call to Gideon.
And here I was sitting next to a virtual stranger and wondering how I'd gone from welcoming the silence of Birch Cabin to craving the company of a man I knew so little about.
My thoughts occupied most of the drive into town. It wasn't until Gideon pulled the truck to a stop and then came around it to help me out that my confidence started to crumble. I'd been riding the high of realizing how simple it was to count the steps between locations in my cabin, and I’d just thought that somehow I could apply that same thing to an outing and it would be like I was almost normal. But the second I stepped foot on the hard pavement, I felt completely disoriented.
And utterly helpless.
Were there, even now, people watching me? Were they wondering what had happened to me even as they felt sorry for me?
I tried to listen for hushed whispers but heard nothing beyond the occasional car passing. There were other sounds too, but I just couldn’t identify any of them.
"Merv's is across the street," Gideon said as he took my arm and pulled me forward, presumably so he could shut the truck’s door. Then his hand disappeared from my arm and complete and utter panic set in. Had he left? Had he just assumed I'd be okay on my own and was planning to meet me back at the truck? What if he’d tired of me and was just going to drive off and leave me there? I had my phone with me, but what good would it do? Who would I call? Did such a small town even have a police force?
I wanted to reach out to see if Gideon's truck was still there. Logically, I knew it had to be because I hadn't heard the engine fire up, but when I put my hand out, the only thing that greeted it was air. I tried calling Gideon's name, but it got stuck in my throat.
My quickly closing-up throat.
I tried drawing in some oxygen, but it felt like nothing was getting through. My heart was racing in my chest and my limbs felt too heavy for my body.
"Hey… hey," I heard Gideon say and I nearly let out a sob of relief when his fingers closed around my upper arms. "I'm here, Lex. I'm here," I heard him say. There was a dark shape in front of me which I assumed was Gideon, but it didn't really matter. I was frozen in place, so even if I wanted to hug him, I couldn't.
"Lex, I need you to slow your breathing," Gideon said. "Just like we did in my house that first day, remember?"
My mind felt like it was going a million miles an hour. I wanted to tell him so and explain that there was no way I could count, let alone do anything else, but I’d gone completely mute. I was sure that in a matter of seconds, I'd be lying passed out on the ground.
"Lex, just listen to the sound of my voice." I felt big warm hands clasp my face and then there was a whisper of air against my ear as Gideon began counting. I swore I actually felt the softness of Gideon's lips on my skin as he began calling out numbers. I wanted to laugh at the insanity that I could focus on that, but not have the fortitude to do something as simple as count from one to ten by myself.
"Lex, you need to listen to my voice," Gideon reminded me. "One," he began,