eyes were open and he had one hand resting on Brewer’s back. The big husky was leaning heavily against the bed.
“Gideon?” Lex asked when I entered the room.
“Yeah, it’s me,” I said. My voice sounded almost normal, so I gave myself a mental high five. I snatched the bottle of water off the floor and set it and the sandwich down on the nightstand. “Do you mind if I check your blood sugar again?”
Lex shook his head and dutifully held out his finger. I made quick work of testing his blood and was relieved to see it looked relatively normal. “I made you a sandwich. Turkey on whole wheat. I hope that’s okay.”
“Yes, thank you,” Lex murmured.
I handed him the plate, making sure he had a good grip on it before releasing it. Brewer eyed the plate hopefully but didn’t make a grab for the food.
As Lex took a bite from the sandwich, I grabbed the nearby chair I usually tossed my clothes onto each night and dragged it over to the bed. Lex jumped at the sound.
“Sorry,” I automatically said.
He shook his head. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m just… I’m not used to sounds just happening, I guess.”
His words made sense. How often did sighted people take for granted things like that? If he’d been able to see me, he would have known I was going for the chair and the sound wouldn’t have seemed to come out of nowhere.
I sat down and began looking through his little black shaving bag where he kept his testing supplies. “I’d like to test your blood sugar in about half an hour again and if it’s getting back to normal, I think you can start on the insulin again before dinner.”
Lex didn’t answer me, so I looked up. He was staring at his sandwich, but I doubted he was intentionally trying to look at it. It was likely just in his line of sight. “You okay?” I asked. I almost reached for his hand before I caught myself.
Lex nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
His politeness irritated me because it was so damn robotic. Where was the rude asshole from the day before? Hell, I’d even take the terrified young man who’d begged me not to tell anyone about what he’d done. At the moment he was too numb and that was a very dangerous thing.
I reminded myself that it wasn’t my problem and began pulling items out of his bag. Maybe I’d give Mr. Parnell a heads-up that his latest tenant seemed a bit under the weather and he could reach out to Lex’s family or something. I’d promised not to tell anyone about the note, but no way would I just sit around and let the man off himself.
As I sorted through his bag, I kept glancing his way. I told myself it was to evaluate his mood, but my eyes would always find some little part on his body that seemed to stand out. Like the curve of his jawline or the way he’d chew on his lower lip just a little between bites of food. And that Adam’s apple was like a goddamn beacon now that he was eating. I was mesmerized by its up and down journey every time he swallowed.
I froze when my body once again began to react.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“How many units do you take?” I asked. I knew I’d caught him off guard with the loudness of my voice when he flinched slightly.
“Ten units usually,” he responded.
I felt sick to my stomach as I remembered the scene when I’d found him. There’d been an empty insulin pen on the floor next to the couch. That in itself hadn’t been unusual. What had been unusual had been the plastic safety seal on the floor next to the pen. It’d meant the cartridge had most likely been a brand new one. Even someone taking a higher dose of insulin would never need to push the entire contents of a cartridge in one sitting.
That was how I’d known Lex had injected himself with more insulin than he’d needed. The note he’d left had only confirmed my suspicions.
I shook my head as I considered what would have happened if I’d decided to go home and eat lunch before checking on Birch Cabin. The idea of reaching out to touch Lex’s forehead and having it be cold left me light-headed. I told myself it was because the idea of his death was as disturbing as if he’d