chance."
I sighed because he sounded genuinely confused. "When I eat, it's… it's not pretty." When Gideon didn't respond, I got antsy and added, "I stopped eating in front of others after I had lunch a while back with a potential investor at this really exclusive restaurant. I kept trying to stab the food with my fork, but every time I put it in my mouth the damn thing was empty. I thought I was just missing it on the plate, but it turns out that most of what I'd been getting off the plate was ending up in my lap and I hadn't known it. When I stood up to go to the bathroom, I moved my napkin off my lap and heard this plop. I had no clue what was going on until the waiter explained that there were vegetables from my salad all over the floor." My cheeks felt hot as I waited for Gideon to say something. When he didn't, that need to get away overtook me. Gideon must've sensed I was about to stand, because his fingers tightened on mine.
"Sorry," he said gruffly. "I had my head in your lap."
I was about to ask him what he was talking about when he suddenly blurted, "My mind! I had my mind in your lap… On your lap! My mind was on your lap."
The man sounded so flustered that I didn't know what to make of it. I also had no clue what he was talking about. Why in the world would his mind be on my lap?
I found myself smiling because I didn't really care what he was trying to say. I'd already figured out he was a big, tough, domineering type of man, so to listen to him struggle to get his thoughts across was just downright fun. I liked knowing that I wasn't the only one dealing with embarrassing verbal vomit.
"Eat," Gideon growled, though there was no meanness behind his words. He was clearly dismissing the issue, but not in a way that seemed like he thought I was being a baby about the whole thing. I took his response as more of his passing it off as a non-issue.
Since the man had pretty much seen me at my lowest, I figured if he hadn't turned tail and run already, he wasn't going to. At least not for me spilling some food in my lap or eating off an empty fork. The nerves were still there as I began to eat, but something about the sound of Gideon enjoying his own meal made it a little easier for me to focus less on the act of eating and more on the taste of the food.
As my vision had started to go, I'd been forced to hire a chef to cook for me. While I liked the food he prepared, it always had a certain level of sterility to it… like it was just too fancy. It had been like eating in a restaurant every night of the week. But sitting there at that small table with my gruff neighbor had this weird sense of intimacy to it. The food was rustic and simplistic, but it was also delicious.
By the time I cleaned my plate, I had no clue if I was covered in sauce or had vegetables stuck to me anywhere, but I didn't care. I was pleasantly full and deliciously sated. I leaned back in my chair and listened to the sounds of Gideon eating what I assumed was his second serving.
Once again, I wondered what he looked like. Not that it really mattered, because my body, and specifically my lower half, was more than content with whatever it was the man next to me had going on. It was a strange thing to find myself attracted to a man I couldn't see. I considered all the men I'd been with in the past. In the early days when I’d first been introduced to sex, the few men I’d been with had done all the picking up and all the leading. I'd been so desperate for an intimate connection with someone that I hadn't been selective.
As the years had gone by and my net worth had gone up, I’d found that the pool of men available to me had gotten bigger and bigger. They had been prettier and more charming, but things in bed had pretty much been the same. Since I'd typically bottomed, it had meant that most of my lovers hadn't been