there was no getting over the fact that I’d just had my first sexual experience with a member of my own sex.
And I’d loved every second of it.
Only now came the part where I actually had to figure out what it all meant.
Chapter Fifteen
Lex
I'd had plenty of those morning-after moments… the ones where it didn't even have to be morning. It usually entailed the guy I'd been with making some excuse for having to work early or late or whatever. In any case, as soon as they'd finished with me, they’d hurried out the door and I'd been left feeling bereft, used, and only slightly sated. But at least I’d still had my sight, so I’d been able to easily make my way home.
What had just happened with Gideon fell so far outside the normal "morning after" routine that I had no clue what to do next. So I did nothing. I stood there and waited for Gideon to make the first move.
It didn't take him long. All the heat and lingering pleasure from my orgasm seeped out of my body as Gideon stepped back from me. The mere act of his dick slipping free of the cradle of my ass cheeks served only to remind me that I'd put him there in the first place. I still couldn't believe my behavior. I'd been the one to turn what had been a few relatively tame caresses into a full-on sexual encounter right there in the man's kitchen. He had to hate me. He’d admitted that he hadn’t been with a man before, so what had I gone and done? I’d barely even waited for him to close the kitchen door before initiating the intense encounter.
Okay, maybe I hadn't initiated it, but I'd sure as shit encouraged it and I’d turned it into something I doubted he'd been ready for.
"I'll, uh, show you to the bathroom so you can clean up," Gideon said. I missed the heat of his body, but what I missed even more was that husky tone in his voice when he said my name.
Since I couldn't imagine spending even another few awkward seconds with the man, I said, "If you don’t mind, I think I can find it myself."
"Yeah, sure." That was all Gideon said in response and then I heard him moving around me. I found myself wishing he'd reach out and touch my arm or grab my fingers or do something to tell me that what had just happened wasn't a bad thing. That we’d get through this awkwardness and then go from there. But I didn't really know what “there” was. We couldn't really have a relationship, not with so many things standing in our way. And he'd said he hadn't wanted to use me as an experiment.
So what did that really leave? A physical relationship for as long as I remained in Fisher Cove? If he even wanted that, was that enough for me? I'd already been through something similar with Grady and it had nearly destroyed me. No, I didn't think Gideon would use me like Grady had, but the potential of falling for someone I couldn't have was a very real possibility with Gideon.
I forced myself to focus on getting to the bathroom. It meant thinking about things like what direction I'd been facing when I'd entered the kitchen. It was hard knowing that Gideon was likely watching me as I got my bearings, but that encouraged me to think more about how to get out of the room than anything else. I didn't have Brewer to help me, so I was on my own. I knew I could ask Gideon for help but that was the last thing I wanted to do.
It was slow going and there were a couple of dicey moments when I bumped into some furniture, but I made it to Gideon's bathroom. I'd only buttoned my pants after Gideon had pulled away from me, so it was easy enough to get my jeans down. I knew from my previous visit to the bathroom that there was a hand towel next to the sink. Since I didn't have any clue if there were other bath towels in the room, I ran that one under some warm water and began cleaning the sticky fluid from my cock and belly. The mere act had me remembering how hard I'd come.
For someone who hadn't been with a man before, Gideon had done a damn good job of making me forget