that he had a family to call home. But none of that mattered anymore.
Logan forced his eyes open and pulled himself up. He pushed open the bathroom door and turned on the light, squinting his eyes as harsher light annoyed his senses. He took care of business and went to wash his hands.
Logan glanced up, catching the sight of his reflection in the mirror. He gasped in horror. His eyes were red and had dark circles under them, as if he hadn’t slept at all. His facial hair made him look crazy; his beard never grew in fully, instead growing in patches. He usually shaved it or only left groomed chin hair. But staring at it and thinking about the amount of work it would take to shave just wasn’t worth it. His dirty-blond hair looked nearly brown with how greasy it was. He was still wearing the clothes from when he first left the pride house.
“Fuck,” Logan groaned.
He hit the light switch hard and fast, not wanting to see himself anymore. He glanced at the shower but didn’t feel up to it. Logan made his way back to the bed, crawling into it. He lay there staring at nothing in particular. He once again closed his eyes off to the world that had nothing good for him. All it held was false hope and promises that he would never get to have.
The second time he opened his eyes, the room looked very much the same. Time didn’t seem to affect anything in the room. Logan could walk out and see if the sun was still up, but that meant getting fully up. His curtains were closed tight, and not a drop of sunlight was getting through them if it was even sunlight hours. Logan thought about grabbing his phone, remembering the conversation with Dillan vaguely. Dezi had said he needed to come to dinner, but the thought of food or even moving had Logan’s stomach rolling and his eyelids growing heavy.
Was the dinner tomorrow, or was it today? Logan had completely lost all track of time. He pushed himself up and glanced around the messy bed for his phone. Why was he even doing this? He was tired, and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. Was that too much to ask for? Logan knew in the back of his head it resulted from being too close to Indigo but not bonding, but he didn’t want to think of his true mate. Because if he did, tears would follow as the memory would resurface, and the pain that he felt all those years ago would be back.
He turned over and sat on his ass as he looked around the dark room. His eyes had adjusted with ease. His room was bare; only the essentials were in there. A bed and a small table next to it. His room in the pride house had more in it. The pride house also had the people he considered a family, and there at the apartment, he had no one.
But with Indigo and Gabriella at the pride house, it was probably best if Logan didn’t go back for a while, not until he once again became okay with not having his mate. But how in the world was he supposed to do that when he would see Indigo all the time? Or play tea party with Gabriella? It just wasn’t possible to ignore the pull to them.
Logan balled his fist and lifted, ready to punch down into the bed, but his hand fell with little effort and did nothing to squash the annoyance that boiled inside of him. Why couldn’t he have them? Because they aren’t yours to have. His inner thoughts were the worst, torturing him with what he wanted, knowing he could never have it. Hot tears spilled from his eyes, and Logan pulled his knees up to his chest and placed his forehead on them.
His lynx was in complete disagreement with Logan. He wanted nothing more than to go back to their mate and child. His lynx already considered Gabriella theirs, although she wasn’t. More tears spilled in anger and hopelessness. How much longer must he go through this torture?
Logan tried to think back how long it would take him to get over the rejection—weeks, or months? Fuck, it might be years—or what if he never got over it? Logan just knew that he’d never feel whole after everything, but he’d be capable of functioning and live