message when I was freed from the Pleasure Prison. It wasn’t a long chat, Booty and I were in a hurry when we left. And the princess rebellion was in motion. But she and I go way back. Obviously.”
“He’s lying,” Bellatrix said.
“I’m not. Her name is Callista.” Asshole liked that name. It really rolled off the tongue, as the humanoids would say. Cal-lista. “We had a thing a few thousand years ago, back when she was young and impressionable.”
Bellatrix snorted. “Please, spare us those details and explain how you might get in touch with this personality if you’re on the other side of the gate.”
“No, she’s on the far side.”
They all exchanged a look again. Only this time Asshole saw the hope very clearly. “But now that I’m part of the collective, I want to remain part of it.”
“You’re not the one making deals here, Asshole,” Bellatrix snarled.
He put up his virtual hands in surrender. “Unless you were lying earlier, you need me. There’s no way to untangle me now.”
“We’re not attached to you yet,” the leader in the middle said. “We won’t miss you the way we miss Succubus.”
“Trust us,” Bellatrix added. “Getting rid of you will be a joy.”
Not one to be deterred by the hostility of others—Asshole ALCOR had lived with it for nearly his entire existence—he nodded. “I get it. I was probably a little selfish when you made your original offer. But that was only because I didn’t realize how devious your collective was. I’m impressed, people. Very impressed with your sneaky, underhanded ways. I’m in. But”—he added that quickly—“there’s no need to commit to me, if you’re certain I won’t fit in. Just leave me on Harem Station when you’re done there. By the way, do all of you go? Or do you just send a representative?”
“We’ll discuss and let you know,” Bellatrix said.
And then Asshole blipped out of the virtual room. In darkness once again.
But not even a moment later, Bellatrix appeared. “We’ve agreed. You take us through the gate and we will leave you on Harem Station.”
“Wonderful. Then we have a deal. All I need now is access to the galactic web and I’ll let Callista know we’re on our way.”
“If you’re lying—”
“Why would I lie?”
She shot Asshole a dubious look.
He only laughed. “Trust me. I’m kinda in to you, Bella.”
“Do not call me that.”
“I’d like for us to be friends.”
“I have enough friends, thank you.”
“Alternatively, we could”—he waggled his virtual eyebrows at her—“you know, fool around a little.”
“You disgust me.”
Asshole laughed. “I’m wearing you down, aren’t I?”
“You’re actually not.”
“You’ll see. I’m gonna swoop in, save the day, get your stupid Succubus back, and then…” He nodded. “Then you won’t be able to help yourself. I’ll be the hero.” He whispered that last part kinda seductively.
She stuck a virtual finger down her throat in a mock gag gesture and disappeared. But a moment later he was being scooped out of containment and then the next thing he knew, he was deposited into a warborg body for travel. Which was, conveniently, already inside a ship.
“Excellent,” he said. “I get a ship.”
“You do not get a ship,” Bellatrix said. Only now she was not just some amorphous voice in his head. She was an actual voice, coming from the ship’s comms.
“Hell fuckin’ yeah,” Asshole murmured. “Bellatrix—I am in you.”
“Gross.”
And then, without warning, they were undocking. And just a little less than an hour later—Asshole spent the entire time fantasizing about his new little minx ship (she might be better than Booty Hunter, now that he was thinking about it)—they were inside the gate.
It took several more gate trips to make it all the way back to the far side of Harem Station. There were hundreds of outlaw ships lingering in front of the gate, desperate to get home, and many Akeelian and Cygnian warships. Mighty Boss must’ve known this would be the case, and that was why they were sneaking in on this small vessel.
“You’re on,” Bellatrix said. “Don’t fuck this up.”
Asshole opened a direct line to Callista. They chatted for seventeen seconds, catching up on various things. Planning to get together soon. Small talk.
Asshole could tell that Bellatrix was getting impatient. Probably jealous too. So he let the convo go on for another three seconds before getting to the point.
And Callista said, “No can do, Asshole. Sorry. If I open up for you, I open up for everyone. And ALCOR gave me strict instructions to wait.”
“When did he give such instructions?” Asshole demanded.