means, it can’t be good. So I say, “No. No, I don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s just a freaking dream. It’ll pass.”
It has to pass. Right? I mean, this Christopher dude isn’t even me. He might look like me, but that guy isn’t me. So even if he is having recurring nightmares, they aren’t related to what just happened to me.
And holy fucking shit. That last one—I don’t think I’ll ever get the image of that nasty old Corla out of my head. Ever.
That saggy bitch might’ve just ruined my soulmate lust.
But then I picture the real Corla. She wasn’t old. She was very young. Like the exact age she was when we met on Wayward Station. Did she not make it out? Obviously not. Maybe neither of us made it out? Maybe, in that incarnation, or nightmare, or whatever the hell it was—maybe there is no Harem Station? Hell, maybe there’s no Wayward Station either?
Old, saggy Queen Corla didn’t know who I was.
But that was the virtual.
Those Cygnians in that reality—if that’s what it was and if it was the Cygnians in charge of that disgusting breeding facility and not the Akeelians—they knew enough to put us together.
But that could just be because I had violet eyes. They were breeding us for that.
Suns, I just want to forget it. All of it. Even Corla begging me for help.
Especially Corla begging me for help.
Because there’s nothing I can do. For all I know I’m stuck inside the freaking spin node and I’ll never get out. I could be stuck cycling through sex nightmares with my not-soulmate for all eternity.
Nope. That’s a bad idea. I don’t think I can do it. Even if I pop back to this semi-normal state between the bad ones. I can’t do it.
Carla hugs my arm a little tighter. And even though I know she’s not mine, and even though the last time I was here she was very pissed off at me for talking about my real life and there was some hint there that people in charge of things were about to… I don’t know. Take us prisoner or something—I can’t help but think that her, being next to me, is… nice. It’s nice to feel like maybe at least one person in this sun-fucked universe is on my side and gives a shit.
I sigh. Loudly. Heavily.
“Come on,” Carla says. “Lie back. Try to put it out of your mind.”
I don’t even know where I am. It’s definitely a planet though. Fire. People are obsessed with fire here. That only happens on planets.
She tugs on my arm until I give in and lie back in the bed. Then she snuggles up to me and I’m not gonna lie, excitement pulses through my body at her closeness. This is a much better version of my not-life. It’s tolerable, at least. Especially after that disgusting virtual I just popped out of.
One thing is for sure though—I am not having sex with any incarnation of Corla. Ever again.
Ever.
I almost laugh.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing,” I say. Then I turn to look at her, because she’s probably the most normal woman I’ve been in bed with in a very long time. “It’s just absurd, that’s all. A bad dream. What am I? A child?”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Just… you know.”
“No. I don’t. Tell me.”
“Christopher. Your childhood was a long string of fucked-up shit, ya know?”
“Was it?”
She almost sits up to look at me. “What do you mean, was it?” She scoffs. “Do not tell me you’re going to try to normalize your freak-show of a father’s behavior. He was insane. Talking all that shit about the end of the world. Scaring you out of your mind with threats of demonic princesses and vengeful gods.”
“Huh.” It’s not very far off the mark, but I don’t say that. Just sigh. “If he were here, I would talk to him about it though.”
She huffs. “Good thing he’s dead then.” Then she does sit up. Points her finger at me. “It’s too soon, OK? Too. Fucking. Soon.”
I put up my hands in surrender. “OK.” I don’t know what that means, or what specific event she’s referring to, but whatever. I give up.
She flops back into her pillow. “I mean, I get it. Forgiveness is what heals people. But that father of yours doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Al Core is the definition of evil.”
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me. And I’m not taking it back. He was crazy.”
Like… am I hearing things? Or did she just