that’s what you do. Even I know that. Then I untangle her arms from me and stand up, turning to face her, and cover her back up.
“Thank you,” she says again. This time her words are barely audible as she immediately drifts back to sleep.
She’s a nice version of Corla though. I will say that. The Corla I knew as a teenager was bossy and authoritative. Very, very sure of her place in the world even when all the people around her had other plans. This one is… calm. Almost lazy. In a good way, though.
I sigh and walk over to the door, snagging a t-shirt on my way past a chair. I tug it over my head and close the door behind me.
The sounds coming from the kitchen become louder as I make my way down the long, curved staircase in bare feet. I glance at Christopher’s closed office doors, wanting to get back in there and see if there’s anything else I can learn about where I am and who he is, but then something crashes in the kitchen and I decide it has to wait until I check on the sun-fucked kids.
But even that has an allure I can’t deny.
Sun-fucked or not, they are my kids. And this is the only chance I’ve had to see them when they were small. To get some idea of what it’s like to be a father.
I missed it.
I missed all of it.
And even though I didn’t really feel regret about that back on Harem, that had to be because I never understood how small and helpless they could be. How they could clutch you so tight when you hold them. Like you are their whole universe. How they could look at you with such complete trust.
I only got a small taste of it the last time I was here, but it was enough to crave more.
When I walk into the kitchen little Delphi is sitting on the countertop with her feet in the sink, holding a box of food. Her whole arm is inside the box when I pause to watch her. And then she withdraws it and shoves little yellow nugget things into her mouth. She munches eagerly, and then sees me and stops, smiling with stuffed cheeks. “I was hungry,” she says, half-chewed food shooting out with her words.
“I guess,” I say, walking over to her. I take the box and set it aside, then pick her up. She immediately wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my middle, holding on to me like she’ll never let go.
I hug her for a moment, wanting to apologize for missing this in my real life. It could’ve been nice, I think. To be a father to a small child. It’s not the same with a full-grown adult. I don’t feel like Delphi’s father, but Dellie… that urge to hold her and protect her is strong.
I look around for my other twin. But he’s not here. “Where’s Tycho?”
“Who?”
“Oh… um.” Fuck. What was that kid’s name? It was something weird. “T-toby. Where’s Toby?”
“Who’s Toby?”
“Hmm? Your brother, Del… Dellie. Your twin.”
“You’re funny, Daddy. I don’t have a brother.”
“What?” I look around, trying to find evidence of him. “Yeah. Twins. That’s how it always happens. Everyone has a twin.”
“That would be fun. Can I get one? Where do you buy them, Daddy? I want a twin. Can I get a girl twin? I don’t want a brother. Lyssa has a brother and he’s mean. But Chassey has a sister and they play dolls together. Can I get one today?”
Fuck. Why did I assume I came back to the same place?
I mean, that’s just not how my life goes, right? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my thirty-seven years of life it’s that the universe gives no fucks about my happiness. I have some kind of job to do. I am nothing more than a little worker bot. A servo to the gods. The meaning of life runs on a need-to-know basis, and in the words of ALCOR, I don’t need to know.
“Never mind,” I say. “Daddy’s tired. I think I was still dreaming.”
Dellie frowns, studies me for a moment. In real life—my real life—her eyes are pink. Well, when she’s not glowing her eyes are kinda light brown. But you can see the little pink flecks that will light up with emotion swirling in her irises.
But this little girl has deep blue eyes. She pats my face with both hands,