with Earth?”
His eyebrows shoot up as he holds one finger in the air. “There is only one Earth. Only one loop with that planet in it. The original loop. The one where I come from.”
“But I have been there,” I say. “I have been there several times now. Was it just… fake?”
“No. It’s a remnant. Part of the merge I mentioned. You did live on Earth in the beginning. When I first made you. It’s a nice place. But I stopped sending you there several eternities ago.”
For some reason it makes me very sad to think that Carla and Christopher are long dead, or not real, or some bizarre fused version of all their incarnations.
“Remember Angel Station?”
“What about it?”
“It’s just a remnant of other time loops too. But the Akeelian Cygnian war going on in this loop is real. It’s a constant in all of them, actually. They two races are not always called those particular names. But in every loop there is an unholy alliance working against me. A higher God, maybe? Or a higher evil? The point is, in this loop this interference is the Akeelian Cygnian breeding project. They want the time loop with Earth in it because they know that if they get to Earth, they can find the gods. They can get there using the Harem Station spin node. That’s why they come for me. That’s why they are starting another war. There is a direct path to the Ancient Ones via Earth—and there is a direct path to Earth via our spin node. But we have a bigger problem.”
“Do I even want to know?” I ask.
“The bigger problem is that there’s actually a direct path to the Ancient Ones via the ALCOR System. There is a back door.”
“Oh, fuck.” I’d forgotten about the back door.
“That’s right. They don’t need to actually find Earth, they just need to get through my gates. Then they can set a course for the Seven Sisters and eventually, they will find that golden place where the Ancient ones live. And if they find those gods, Crux? They will learn to control time and be gods themselves. But I cannot let that happen. Only one god is coming out of this loop alive.”
I ponder this for a little while. ALCOR is silent too. Maybe pondering his own dilemmas.
Finally I say, “So it’s all fake. Is that what you’re telling me? This whole world is what? An illusion?”
“No. that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s all real, Crux. But it’s not the only reality. You saw some of what the universe is made of with the various Corlas. But there are a trillion more versions.”
“Is Delphi my daughter?”
He raises one eyebrow. “Do you think Delphi is your daughter?”
That answer should be obvious, but it isn’t. Do I feel like Delphi’s father? Not really. But am I ready to admit that I’m not Delphi’s father?
Maybe before this little spin node trip. But now?
No. I can’t say that either. I saw her when she was small. I held her. And Tycho. Those kids, they felt like mine. Even though they were Christopher’s. And I think, with just a little more time, they would be mine.
And this is when I realize… I want them to be mine.
I want that missed chance. I want to know them.
Suddenly ALCOR says, “None of this matters.” Like he can read my mind.
“All of this matters, ALCOR. Delphi and Tycho are my kids.”
“They are not your kids. You have no kids, Crux. This isn’t your true life. It’s a… test run. The next one—that is your true life. So forget about these girls, and these babies, and Earth, and all of it. Just let it all go. Your life has not even started yet.”
Wow. I have to laugh, that’s how much his words stun me. “Are you so self-absorbed that you actually believe that shit?”
“Believe what? This is just the God’s honest truth. I keep spelling it out for you and you keep circling back.”
“You keep telling me that nothing matters but your plan, ALCOR.”
“Exactly.” He even smiles when he says this.
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think I’m gonna go along this time.” ALCOR doesn’t even look miffed at my sudden threat of insubordination. “I’m not giving up on Corla. Or any of them. I’m not killing those girls—or my kids—to save you.”
“You won’t be saving me, Crux. You’ll be saving everyone.”
I shrug. “Do it without me. I quit.”
He throws up his hands. “So you’d rather