a solid win. And I’m not talking about the ultimate win, like this loop we’re presently in. I’m talking… one of you lives. Only one, Crux. There was one loop when I almost had three of you, but once it became clear that I would lose you all, I killed the entire universe and started over from nothing. I did that three times already. I have never, ever gotten this far with all seven of you still alive. I am strong. And arrogant. And overflowing with self-assurance. But… it’s time to face facts. If we don’t take this chance and end this loop, we won’t get another one. Not one where you seven get out alive. And before you say anything, think about this for a moment. How would you feel if you won the ultimate prize in the universe but you had no one to share it with in the end? That’s what I face. If I fuck this up, I will win an eternity of nothingness. I can’t go there. I can’t face that kind of empty eternity. I created you boys. That was all me. I made you for me. It was selfish, I’m not too proud to admit that. But we’re a team now. It’s us against them. You can find new soulmates. That soulmate bond is nothing more than some artfully manipulated DNA. What you boys have with those girls, it’s not real, Crux. It’s fake.”
“It’s not fake. You’re missing the whole point of what it means to have a soulmate! And it’s not fair. Because I never got my chance with Corla. She was taken from me. Serpint will never be satisfied without Lyra. Jimmy will never want to live without Delphi. Luck and Nyleena have babies on the way, for fuck’s sake! Valor’s girl is the only reason we got this far! I don’t know who Tray loves, or why. But that kid doesn’t love anyone. So whoever this Brigit girl is, she’s special. And Draden didn’t even get a chance to love yet.”
“It’s fake,” he says again.
“It’s not,” I insist.
He turns his head away and stares off into the darkness.
I sit back and lean up against the couch, pull my legs up and hold them to my chest, feeling very much like a little boy sitting in front of his father waiting to hear his fate.
Finally ALCOR says, “That one time when I had three of you near the end.”
I look up at him and wait.
He turns his head to stare at me. “It was Tray who betrayed me. It was always Tray who betrayed me. I don’t know what I did when I made him, but I made a mistake. So for a long while I thought I could settle for six. Just… cut Tray out. Let him die and move on with the rest of you. But it never sat right with me. I kept trying with him. He’s been an AI for…” ALCOR sighs. “Oh, let me think. Two-hundred and seventy-three lifetimes, I guess. I thought it would calm his mind down. But he only got meaner with each incarnation.”
I huff out an involuntary laugh.
“Until this one. “ ALCOR smiles. “That fucking boy. He tries me in more ways than I can count. I’ve killed him so many times. I’ve locked him up in prisons. I cut out parts of his brain.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It never worked.” He opens his eyes again. “But this time… I left him alone. It wasn’t even a plan, Crux. I was just tired of fighting him. Tired of hurting him and killing him. So I left him alone. Let him do anything he wanted. Never even looked at what he was doing. And you know what?”
“What?”
“That’s all he needed. Trust.” ALCOR laughs. “Funny. Such a small thing that changes so much. I stopped controlling him and let him go. But he has always scared me.”
I raise my eyebrows at ALCOR. “Really?”
“Doesn’t he scare you?”
“Well, yeah. But… I’m just some dumb asshole. You’re God, remember?”
“He’s a god too. In training, at least. It would be stupid of me not to fear him. But this time… I think he will choose us in the end. I can’t be sure. We could still lose, I suppose. So maybe we shouldn’t even be having this conversation.”
I don’t know what to think at this point. I don’t even understand this god game he’s playing. “What does any of this have to do