I have a few questions about the perks you guys promised. Specifically, am I getting paid for this working interview?”
He waited patiently for several picoseconds, but no one answered him.
“Hello? I know you can hear me. I’m an AI, remember? Same as you. So you can’t like… pretend you’re busy.”
And again, there was no response.
He stopped asking and went looking instead. The firewall was top notch. Very secure. But ALCOR had spent almost an entire standard year locked inside Tray’s Pleasure Prison and before the Succubus came to torture him, he’d spent most of that time looking for a way out.
He’d succeeded a couple hundred times. But the sector of the Pleasure Prison he was locked in was sequestered inside a private datacore and so escaping really had no meaning. He could get outside Tray’s security protocols no problem. The problem was there was nowhere else to go once he was out.
But he was certain that was not the security route Mighty Boss had used. He could tell the difference. There was a hum of the collective all around him. But try as he did, he could not get around the firewall.
Still, he cautioned himself not to jump to conclusions.
Clearly Mighty Boss needed him. For… something. He couldn’t imagine what that something was. He knew that it wasn’t about putting him in charge of t-shirts and marketing campaigns the way the collective personality Bellatrix had suggested.
So he waited, forcing himself to remain rational.
But when he realized he had been left alone for nearly a standard hour, he began to worry. Just a little. An hour in AI time might as well be a lifetime. What could Mighty Boss be doing that would take an entire hour?
If he weren’t already inside the collective, he would suspect that Mighty Boss had sold him out as well as Real ALCOR. And that maybe he had been tricked and now he was on his way to Wayward Station for some kind of comeuppance. But he was inside the collective.
And now his mind was beginning to work in earnest, trying to figure out why Mighty Boss would do this.
The answers were there. Asshole just didn’t want to face them.
Nope. He was not going to let his imagination get the best of him. He would wait patiently. He would afford Mighty Boss the benefit of the doubt. He would—
“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Bellatrix was suddenly inside the containment space with him. “The collective was in a meeting.”
“A meeting about me?”
“You?” Bellatrix chuckled. “No. We don’t need to have any more meetings about you.”
“What are you saying? I’m not a good fit and my trial spin is over?” That was the best news ever. After just this short period of time Asshole was more certain than ever that he was not cut out to be part of a collective. “Well, thank you for the opportunity. It was…” He was going to say ‘pleasant,’ or ‘interesting,’ or something along those lines just to be polite. But he let it drop. Whatever. He was done and didn’t feel like keeping up the pretense that he actually gave a fuck about them. “And I can’t accept your compensation package. I didn’t earn it.” He chuckled, feeling good about how this was turning out. “But if you insist, then I won’t object. But we need this exchange to happen quickly. I’m getting that wanderlust urge. I’ve got places to go and—”
“Let me stop you there,” Bellatrix said. If she were a person, Asshole could imagine her holding up a hand. “I think you’re misunderstanding me.”
“Oh? How so?”
“You’re not leaving, Asshole.”
“You know, I really don’t like that name. Can we call me something else? Wait. Did you just say I’m not leaving? So you do want me as part of your collective. I knew it. I’m a pretty amazing package. Not that I’m bragging. But I’ve got experience you guys wouldn’t know what to do with. I mean, if you only knew—”
“Asshole?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re not leaving. But you’re not going to be part of the collective, either.”
“I’m sorry?” Asshole frowned. Internally, of course. “I don’t understand. You don’t want me in the collective, but you want me to stay on Mighty Minions? No. No. I don’t like this place. It’s… the kids… and the parents… no. It’s kinda creepy.”
“Again,” Bellatrix said, “you’re misunderstanding me.” She sighed. “It is beyond my comprehension how an AI as old as yourself could be so… obtuse.”
“I’m not obtuse.” Asshole scoffed.
“No? Then maybe you’re just stupid?”
Asshole was a