was the worst day of my life. It wasn’t. This moment is. My son is in there somewhere, fightin’ a battle I spent eighteen years tryin’ to fight for him. I can’t save you. I can’t help you. I can’t even see you. Behind your hazel eyes is nothin’ but a rock star who’s a drunk and druggie. Now do you understand me?”
The sirens blaring from behind me, suddenly caught my attention.
Whoop, whoop.
“Motherfucker!”
I didn’t pay the cops any mind, driving faster and with more determination.
“When’s the last time you didn’t drink, Cash? The last time you didn’t take somethin’ in order to feel nothin’? Huh? Tell me, when’s the last time you were sober?”
Swerving left.
Right.
Running a red light.
Whoop, whoop.
Abruptly, I hit the brakes, coming to a complete stop. My car catapulted forward as did my body.
“Son of a bitch!” I opened the door and whipped out of the car. “What the fuck is your problem?!” I seethed, slamming my fist on the trunk. “What are you pullin’ me over for?! Huh?! Can’t you see I’m fuckin’ speedin’ ’cuz I got someplace important to be!” I smashed my fist on the trunk again. “Back the fuck up and leave me alone!”
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a sheriff coming for me. “Motherfucker—”
The officer threw my ass face-first onto the trunk of the car, and I instantly saw stars.
Handcuffing me, he read me my rights. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney—”
“An attorney?!” I roared as he lifted me up. “Do you know who I am?!”
“If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you—”
“If I can’t afford one?! Do you have any idea who the fuck I am?! I’m Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw! I’m a goddamn rock star!”
He ignored me. “Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”
“Yeah, I’m speakin’ to you right now! Your ass is gonna be fired by the time I’m through wit’ you! Do you hear me?! You’re fuckin’ done in this town! I’ll make sure of it!”
“Sheriff!” another cop interrupted, nodding to me. “That’s Detective McGraw’s boy.”
For some reason, hearing him say that silenced my ass real fuckin’ quick. The sheriff didn’t give a shit who I was, he hauled my body into the back seat of his vehicle and slammed the door in my face.
Throwing my head against the backrest, I didn’t make a sound. I stayed quiet until I sat in my jail cell, numb and fuckin’ drained from the inside out.
Why didn’t I just listen to my father?
Why did I have to fight him so much?
Why did he have to die?
I slowly shut my eyes, bowing my head in shame. My body unable to hold it up any longer. I placed my elbows on my knees and held my pounding brain in between my hands. Slowly, I closed my eyes, growing anxious and impatient from the mixed emotions throbbing inside me. The sentiments dwelled in the dark, hollow spaces of my core and at the forefront of my mind.
I allowed them to take over, to control every last inch of my being. Darkness settled over me, as I sat alone behind cold, steel bars. Gripping onto my memories was the only thing I had left of the man I’d never see again.
No smile.
No laugh.
No heartbeat.
He was gone.
“The time of death is five-thirty-five, PM.”
“McGraw!” a cop called out, and I glanced up with my head still in my hands. “You made bail.”
My eyes shifted to Journey walking in behind him.
“Seriously?” she reprimanded with her arms at her sides. “A speed chase?”
The guard unlocked and opened my cell.
“I wasn’t thinkin’ straight.”
“Clearly.”
“For fuck sake, cut me slack, yeah?”
“Cash!” Austin shouted, stepping into my sight. “Cool it! She’s only trying to help you.”
There was something about seeing Austin that was the last straw my body could take. I stood with a deep sense of loss settling over me, realizing my dad was dead. The truth sliced me open, causing more damage than any knife could ever inflict.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t know where to start, where to end, or where this even left me.
I wanted to drink.
I wanted to drink so fuckin’ bad.
My eyes watered, my lips quivered, and my whole body felt like it was falling apart