as success.
Not one person told him no. They all fell to his feet, bowing down to the legend, but really the myth. His demons proved to be more important to him than his June was supposed to be. She was at her wits’ end, understanding the meaning of loving an alcoholic.
She jonesed for him.
He jonesed for whiskey.
Both burned and ached, and left you at their mercy.
How could she run away from the villain who owned her soul? How could she say goodbye to the hero who was lost inside the villain? How could she walk away from the happily ever after she still wanted with him?
How could she leave behind the love of her life, when all he was trying to do was bury them alive?
I didn’t know how much more I could take. I didn’t know who he was anymore. I didn’t know that love could be hate. There were so many things I didn’t know.
Especially, how to say no.
Sincerely,
Journey
Chapter 24
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.”
-Prince
<>Journey<>
“Goddamn it, Junie! What the fuck?!” Cash roared, slamming the door to our penthouse suite behind him.
I snapped around, throwing my bag somewhere. “Oh, Junie, Junie, Junie! What the fuck is right!”
“I give you everythin’ you want! You want to stay in a suite. We stay in the fuckin’ penthouse! You want to go shoppin’. I close down the entire mall! You want to go here or there. I get my private plane! Anythin’ you want! Everythin’ you ask for! I. Give. You. What more do you want from me?!”
“I want you, Cash! I just want you!”
“I’m standin’ right fuckin’ here! I’m right fuckin’ in front of you! I’m wit’ you every minute of every fuckin’ day unless I’m on stage! I haven’t left your side. I haven’t run away! I’m. Right. Here. Wit’. You!”
“You’re drunk! That’s what you are! All. The. Time. You don’t stop drinkin’!”
“What the fuck?! Am I not fuckin’ you enough? Am I not writin’ enough songs? Am I not in the studio enough? Am I not makin’ enough money? I’m doin’ all of that! Nothin’ has changed!”
“Everything has! You’re a functioning alcoholic! I can’t keep living like this!”
“And I can’t live without you!”
Our chests were rising and falling in unison. This was the only thing in sync with us.
My heart hurt.
My soul ached.
My head pounded.
“How can you not see it? What you’re doing to yourself, to me—to us? You’re not the man I love. This imposter, this stranger, this fuckin’ drunk! I don’t know him, and I don’t like him. I hate him. Do you hear me? I. Hate. Him.”
He jerked back, my words knocking the wind out of him.
“How many bottles have you chugged down today, Cash?” I got right in his face.
Silence.
“I see them in your pocket, on the floor, in the garbage. I see them everywhere. I don’t know why you think I’m blind or stupid. I can smell the whiskey on your breath from a mile away. Just because you’re physically with me, doesn’t mean you haven’t emotionally and mentally disappeared on me. The Cash McGraw I love has vanished down the rabbit hole, and the worst part is you’ve dragged me with you.” I paused to let my words sink in.
“You’ve said since day one not to call you Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw. I didn’t understand why until you started to lose yourself in a liter of Jack. You’re right—they’re two different people. I hate Cash Motherfuckin’ McGraw. He’s not the rock star, the legend like you think he is. He’s the drunk. He’s the alcoholic. He’s the man who has a problem and won’t admit it out loud. The man who runs away, the one who pushes the people who love him the most out of his life. The same coward who doesn’t know who he is without booze. He’s the lost soul, the man who can’t forgive himself. Numbs his pain, his regret, his love for his daughter and family. He’s the one who’s destroying us, and you’re willingly letting him. You’re handing it over to the piece of shit on a silver fucking platter like I mean nothing to you!”
He shook his head. “That ain’t true.”
“What part exactly? Do you even know the difference between your truths and your lies?”
“Junie, I ... I just ... I mean ...”
“You don’t even know anymore because I sure as hell don’t even know you anymore. I’m fighting a battle I can’t win.” I sighed, gathering my emotions.
I