could lose my hearin’.”
Chapter 30
“Music is like a dream. One that I cannot hear.”
-Beethoven
<>Journey<>
“What?” I replied, taken back.
“You heard me,” he stated. “And you saw me. That’s what I was takin’ in the bathroom, Journey. It’s my prescription medication. I was born wit’ congenital hearin’ loss.”
“I ... I ... what?” For the life of me, I couldn’t think straight. This news hitting me like a freight train.
“No one knows other than my parents, my sisters, the boys, and our team.”
“Not even Harley?”
He shook his head. “Not even Harley.”
“Why?”
“I guess for the same reason you didn’t tell people about the gene. I didn’t want them to look at me, the way you are right now. I don’t need anyone’s pity.”
“I don’t pity you, Cash.”
He backed away. “Your face says otherwise.”
What could I say to that?
“I’m shocked more than anything. You’ve completely blindsided me with this. I had no idea. Not even an inkling that this was happening to you. You’ve never ... I mean ... I always thought ... you just ... Fuck! I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t cuss, Junie.”
“I’ve been with you almost every day for the last five and a half months. How did I not know this?”
“I’ve adapted to my disability, Journey. I was born with it.” He gestured more with his hands. “It’s why I know sign language. My mom taught me like Camila did wit’ you. I can also read lips. You didn’t know ’cuz I’ve made damn sure to cover it up.”
“Is this why your father—”
“Yes.”
“How bad is it, Cash?”
He shrugged. “Depends on the day. I can usually hear ’bout fifty percent. I take meds, I do my screenings to try to improve it. They don’t work. All they do is give me a massive fuckin’ headache. I’ve learned to live wit’ it. I was never gonna allow this bullshit to interfere wit’ who I was born to be. My old man thought the opposite. As you know, he has fought me every step of the way.”
I didn’t know what to say. It seemed as if it was one thing after another. I never understood why Cash’s father was so against him pursuing his passion. Before the booze and drugs took over, it didn’t make sense why he wouldn’t support his dreams.
“Wow. It all makes sense now. There have been a few times I’ve asked you something, and you wouldn’t answer me. I always assumed you were simply avoiding telling me the truth. Now I realize you couldn’t hear me.”
“I could hear you just fine, baby. I just didn’t wanna answer you.”
“You’re always looking at my face. It’s one of the things I love about you the most. I guess you were just reading my lips.”
“No, I just love lookin’ at your pretty face.”
“Cash, don’t do that. Don’t think you can flirt your way out of this. Is there something that can be done to help you?”
“Now that”—he sternly pointed at me—“is not up for discussion.”
“So there is something that can help you?”
“Journey, back off. I don’t wanna to talk ’bout it. Not with you.”
“What? That’s absurd! It’s okay for me to talk about my issues, but you don’t want to talk about yours? You’re shutting me out? That’s hypocritical! I thought you loved me? People who love each other share the good times and the bad. We’re talking about this, Cash. We’re talking about it right now.”
“Junie...”
“Don’t Junie me. I deserve answers! You can’t spring this on me and go mute. I want to understand. I need to understand. Is this part of the reason you drink?”
“What is this, a therapy session, Junie?”
“I’m just trying to help you.”
“Darlin’, I’ve seen the best doctors money can buy. You ain’t gonna tell me anythin’ I don’t already know. I’m not gonna risk losin’ my hearin’ faster.”
“Did your doctors tell you that?”
“It’s surgery. There’s always a risk. It will end my career! Everythin’ I worked for would be gone! I’m not willin’ to give up everythin’ to possibly get my hearin’ back!”
I stepped toward him, placing my hand over his heart. “But if it could help you hear better, then why wouldn’t you at least try?”
He pulled away. “I said I don’t wanna talk ’bout it.”
“Cash...”
“Journey, don’t. I’m not gonna listen to this shit from you too. I hear it from everyone. I don’t want your pity.”
“But I love you.”
“You don’t love me enough to marry me.”
“Oh. My. God! Don’t bring that up now. It has nothing to do with this!”
Instantly, he got down on one