he’s been?”
“Journey, just give him a break,” Stixx replied.
“What? This is bullshit! You guys are enabling him and making him think this behavior is okay. Well, it’s not okay! His coping mechanism should not be to run away from the people who love him. It’s selfish and unfair!”
“Jour—”
“I don’t know why I’m yelling at you guys, when I should be yelling at him!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I hurried toward the bedroom after him. With each step down the dark hall my heart pounded faster, ringing in my ears. I gripped onto the handle of his door and barged into the room, following the trail of his dirty clothes on the floor. The sound of the shower running filled the room. He was in the bathroom.
Not allowing myself to dilly dally around and think about the consequences, I barged through the bathroom door as well. What I saw nearly knocked me on my ass, yanking the air right out of my lungs. In a split second, all the fight in my body was gone. Stripping me as if I was naked in front of an audience.
Emotions were a powerful thing. I was confident one moment and lost the next. It was hard to keep up with the sentiments of Johnny Cash McGraw. Around and around, I tumbled in his bed of lies covered in roses. The thorns of his truths marring my love for him. On this endless cycle of his regret and redemption, I was tossed out and a little bruised with each sequence.
My rage quickly turned into sadness for him.
He looked like a broken man who’d lost his compass.
He was already in the shower, leaning his forehead against the tile. There was something about the way he was standing that stopped me dead in my tracks.
My heart was now in my throat with fear rising, though I swallowed it back down. Steam immediately poured out of the bathroom. The glass shower doors were foggy like he couldn’t get the water hot enough on his flesh. Almost like he was trying to wash away his sins from the last three days.
My dress was over my head and I was stepping out of my panties, before I knew what came next. Making my way over to him, his head perked up slightly when he heard me coming into the shower with him. I approached with caution, terrified he’d push me away.
I wanted to hold Cash.
Help him.
Be with him in any way I could. Show the man I loved, I was there no matter what. Standing my ground through thick and thin, the ups and downs, and the ins and outs.
That was love, right?
Acceptance.
“Don’t do it. Don’t enable him. Please. Tell him no.”
His father’s words played out through my mind, and I knew he was right. He’d been right this entire time.
But how the hell do you save someone who just wants to destroy himself?
How do you fight for someone when all they want to do is give up?
How do you not lose yourself when you’re trying to save someone else from their own lies?
I’d just yelled at the guys for doing the same exact thing I was. However, I couldn’t help it.
I loved him.
Love was in control of my better judgment. I willingly surrendered just to feel his heart beating against mine.
Gently, I touched his back, taking a step closer until my lips were kissing his shoulder.
He grimaced at my touch, not submitting to me. This was where I should have turned and left. This was the moment I could have fixed what was wrong with him. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Either way, I was fucked for loving him.
“Cash,” I rasped, sucking in air. My chest was closing in on me.
The steaming hot water rushed down on us, reminding me of the last time we were in here together, and he was making love to me against the wall.
Wrapping my arm around his chest, I continued kissing all along his back. Feeling the weight of his demons on top and beside me, penetrating deep into every inch of my skin. I wanted to come up for air and bring him with me, but instead...
We drowned together in his misery.
“Please talk to me,” I pleaded, rubbing my lips on the back of his neck. “Don’t push me away more than you already have.”
“Junie, I left so I wouldn’t have to.”
I frowned, closing my eyes. Needing a second to process what he said. I’d always felt as if I