not expecting her to say that. “Who knows?”
“Just my parents and you.”
“Your brothers? Harley?”
“They don’t know.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt them.”
“Baby...”
“I wasn’t like Jackson and Jagger, okay? I wanted to know. From the first time they told me what happened to her. I was five-years-old. I remember thinking how can someone lose their memory? How can that happen to a person who has lived an entire life? I didn’t understand, but I didn’t question it. The older I got, the more I wanted answers. Until I found it for myself at the library. I was eight when I learned I could have it too.”
More tears slid down the sides of her face, but I kissed them all away.
“I cried and cried for days, weeks, months. I hated Bailey for doing this to me. For bringing me into a world I might forget. I would never do that to my unborn babies. I wouldn’t wish this gene on my worst enemy. You want to know what the worst part is?” She cocked her head to the side, whispering, “I still hate her, but at the same time I love her. I love a woman I don’t remember at all. I feel no connection to her when I look at pictures, yet there is this longing to want to know her. I carry around the only picture I have of us together, and she’s not even holding me in her arms.”
My eyes brimmed with tears, my heart breaking for my girl.
“I carry her obituary with me because it makes me feel close to her. It’s the only thing I have aside from some jewelry my brothers and my mother saved for me. That’s it. That’s all I have from the woman who cursed me.”
Tugging on the end of her hair, I brushed it behind her ear.
“It’s why I always smell like sunflowers. I use the same perfume she used to love.”
“Jesus, Junie...”
“I know, it’s so fucked up. I begged my parents for years to let me take the test, but they refused, saying I was too young. I needed more time to live life before I found out the truth of what could possibly be my future. When I turned sixteen, it was the only thing I asked for, and they finally agreed.” She sniffled, and I wiped away her tears.
“Do you want to know what I felt when I found out the truth?”
I nodded, wanting her to tell me everything.
“Relief. A huge part of me already knew I had it, and it wasn’t just me being crazy. As soon as I learned the truth, I wanted to find you.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to reunite you with Bailey because I know what it feels like to love someone you’ve never met. She deserves a chance to choose. I didn’t get that, and I don’t want that for her. I love her like she is my own. I always have, I always will.”
It all made sense now.
How did I not see it before?
“I didn’t want you to know, Cash. I never wanted to tell you. I didn’t want to see the expression on your face. How you’re looking at me right now.”
I grimaced, I couldn’t help it. “Were you ever gonna tell me?”
“No.”
Caressing the side of her face with the back of my fingers, I spoke the truth, “This doesn’t change anythin’ between us.”
“It changes everything.”
“Not for me. I’ll love you till your last breath. I don’t care.”
“You say that now ... but you don’t know what my father went through. What my brothers endured. I was too young. I was just a newborn. You have no idea what she put them through.”
“Journey, I called my doctor. He says just ’cuz you have the gene, doesn’t mean it will develop. You can live a healthy, normal life. The gene don’t mean shit to me, and it shouldn’t mean a damn thing to you either.”
“I know that. My dad’s a doctor. He’s told me that since I found out I could carry it. It does change everything. How would you feel if you knew you could forget your life?”
I didn’t hesitate in spilling another truth she finally needed to hear. I’d never told anyone. Not even Harley. The only people who knew were my parents and sisters.
Why my old man was so against me being a musician.
The pain.
The worry.
The blatant refusal to let me do what I was born to do.
It all came down to this last truth.
“The same way I feel ’bout how I