for long, she thought. But where she would go, she had no idea.
That night, she lay awake with her bedroom window open, her arms behind her head. She could hear Ulaume and Flick taking aruna together in the room next door, but the sounds of it didn’t conjure similar responses in her own body as they’d always used to do. Flick and Ulaume were in such raptures, she was almost tempted to bang on the wall to get them to shut up. Is this how my life’s going to be? she thought. Will I never feel that special way again?
The following morning at breakfast, Flick and Ulaume were all over each other and seemed drunk. Their constant mutual pawing got on Lileem’s nerves. When Ulaume got up to leave the table, Flick grabbed hold of him and started kissing his stomach, over and over.
Mima, sitting between Pellaz and Kate, who’d stayed the night, let out a whoop of delight. ‘You’ve made another pearl, haven’t you?’ she cried.
Aleeme yelled, ‘Yay, a brother!’
Flick and Ulaume started laughing. Then Mima was out of her seat, hugging them both. Lileem felt sick. She went outside.
Pellaz followed her out. It was strange how quickly she’d become used to his presence, he who had once seemed like a god to her. They’d talked about the connection she’d felt with him. He’d been amused to hear her story of him as a gigantic statue. The reality to him was far more commonplace. He’d heard her call and had perceived her personal power, in the form of the dehara. He’d simply pointed out the obvious, he thought: use what you already have.
Lileem sat down on an ornamental wall and he sat beside her. He didn’t say anything for a while, and she was grateful. Her nose was running. She wiped it with her hands.
‘It’s hard for me, seeing things like that,’ Pellaz said, referring to Flick and Ulaume. ‘It makes me think about my own blood-bond, and how Rue and I will never have what Flick and Ulaume have. Making harlings isn’t as easy as they make it seem, you know. It shows how deep their love runs. Their relationship is perfect. To be frank, it turns my stomach to witness it.’
Lileem thought he didn’t really mean that. He was trying to make her feel better, because he sensed she couldn’t join in with the household happiness and that she felt bad about that. ‘Pell, can you take me away?’
He sighed. ‘No. You know that I can’t.’
‘Why?’
‘Opalexian would not want me to.’
‘You are Tigron. How can her feelings matter that much? You could take me anywhere. You must know other hara somewhere I could live with. Somewhere far far away.’
‘I can’t upset her,’ Pellaz said. ‘She has me in a fierce hold.’
‘How?’ Lileem turned her head to look at him. ‘You made a deal with her, I know. What was it? You can tell me. I won’t breathe a word, I promise. I’m just a ghost.’
‘Opalexian believes she can exorcise ghosts,’ Pellaz said. He picked up a stone from the gravel path and threw it onto the lawn. ‘She will do something for me that Thiede will not.’
‘What?’
Pellaz lowered his eyes, stared at the ground. ‘She will heal Cal.’
‘I thought he was healed,’ Lileem said. ‘Flick told me the whole story, and that Thiede had let him go. Flick said it was all over.’
Pellaz glanced at her. ‘He has been released, but he is still very sick.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I asked Opalexian to find out, when I first met her. He still suffers, as Thiede wants him to. He needs to be healed of all that’s been done to him, by Thiede and even by those who came before. By Uigenna, by human parents, everyone.’
‘So you can be together again?’
‘I don’t know,’ Pellaz said. ‘Opalexian says she will try. I don’t know her plans exactly. All I know is that I have to keep silent and hope and dream. I have to trust that, one day, Cal and I will both know the truth about one another, because there are so many lies, so many barriers. I have to hope we can meet in a place out of time and remember all that we were. I will never forget him, and I know he’ll not forget me either. If anyone can draw the poison, I believe Opalexian can. I have to trust her. I have to give her what she wants, because this is the only thing that