Seel had been incepted to the Uigenna. There was wildness in him, even if it was buried deep. Somehow, pushing the fear back down inside him, Flick managed to hold Seel’s furious gaze. He had to try and reach him: the real Seel, the har he knew and wanted to love.
Eventually, Seel sighed and leaned over to stub out his cigarette in an ash tray on the bedside table. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry. Now will you please go?’
‘You should talk about it.’
Seel uttered a caustic laugh. ‘About how I probably changed the course of Pell’s life, and through doing that changed all of our lives? We think we know so much. We don’t know anything. I lost sight of that. I was too adept at forgetting. Now it’s too late, and I know something’s happening and I’m partly to blame. I could feel it in that room down there. I could smell it. I smelled Cal, the way he was a long time ago.’
‘Shutting yourself away won’t help,’ Flick said. ‘We should all face this together, whatever it is. We mustn’t fight amongst ourselves.’
‘I don’t want to go back,’ Seel said. ‘That’s what it’s about. I want to stay here, live the life I’ve chosen, but I know I can’t. That’s the worst of it. You’re right, Flick, Thiede has seen us all. And we’re just puppets to him.’
‘Is that what Orien saw?’
‘I think so, yes.’
‘What is Pell’s destiny? Will you tell me?’
‘I don’t know and that’s the truth. But it’s not just him. It’s all of us.’ Seel grimaced. ‘My guts ache. They ache so much.’
Chapter Three
When an abnormal event occurs, it tends to occupy hara’s attention, consume them with the emotions it might have inspired. But it is impossible to live in the moment of an abnormal event forever. In the morning, meals still need preparing, a lame horse has to be shod, fires have to be built.
And so it was in the Kakkahaar camp. Ulaume’s unexpected fit the previous night had brought a nervous edge to the festival, even though Lianvis had done his best to reassure his hara that it was nothing out of the ordinary. Strange influences might be floating on the aethers and sensitive hara could pick up on them. Visionaries and seers were subject to that kind of episode all the time. It was a risk they took and nothing to worry about.
Ulaume knew this was a lie but appreciated why it had to be said. He wasn’t sure himself what last night’s events really meant, only that they had affected him greatly. He hadn’t been able to curse Pellaz either, and the two things must be connected. Had he incurred Hubisag’s displeasure? Surely not. Pellaz represented all that Hubisag did not stand for. Some Wraeththu strove to be pure, enlightened and compassionate. Some strove to be decadent, enlightened and dispassionate. The Kakkahaar fell heavily into the latter camp, while Pellaz, who’d been incepted at Saltrock, was influenced by the former.
After his trance, Ulaume had been unable to join in with the festivities, but for the sake of appearances had concluded his dance, a torment for which Lianvis had thanked him warmly afterwards. The Kakkahaar leader knew it had been a dreadful trial and that Ulaume had only done it to allay the fears of his tribe. As soon as he was able, Ulaume had slunk off into the desert. He couldn’t talk to Lianvis yet, even though he’d felt his leader’s eyes upon him as he left the gathering.
Ulaume walked around till dawn, trying to work out the meaning of what had happened. He knew he’d witnessed Pellaz’s death, and also that he had not been an instrumental factor in it, but he was overwhelmed by the fact that this knowledge heralded a beginning, rather than an end. In the cold twilight of the predawn Ulaume sat down with his back to a tall rock and faced an unpleasant truth – something to which he was not normally given. He hated Pellaz because Pellaz had spurned him. Pellaz despised him and thought he was evil. Ulaume believed that eventually he’d have been able to turn this pious creature, but unfortunately his companion, Cal, had been a Uigenna, who’d had Ulaume’s measure all too accurately and had influenced Pellaz’s opinions. Perhaps, then, Ulaume should hate Cal more than Pell and direct the curse at him. But that was pointless, because anyone could see that Cal was already cursed. He was more