than the duke and duchess from Bridgerton on their honeymoon. I had no clue what that meant, but she said Freya would understand.
For the past couple of weeks, I find myself marveling over the fact that this is what being in love is like. Fuck me, I should have done this ages ago. And that spooning bit that Tanner mentioned isn’t bad either. Tilly is my perfect little spoon. We even developed our own morning routine of showering together that will certainly never get old.
It even seems we’re starting a new Friday evening tradition with Mac and Freya and a garden barbecue. Though the way Tilly looks in that tight green tee this evening made the thought of staying at my place very appealing. She must be enjoying my eyes on her because she keeps giving me these coy looks and I’m not sure I’ll be able to wait until we’re back at my place to strip her naked again. Perhaps we should nip upstairs to her room and be very, very quiet again. Maybe I’ll use my tie to gag her so she’s not too loud.
“You guys should come with us to the Cotswolds next weekend,” Tilly exclaims, ripping me out of my dirty thoughts as she dishes out some sticky toffee pudding for dessert. The sun has just disappeared, and she looks like an angel as she glows under the string lights hung all over the garden. “We’re doing an overnight trip. Santino is going to show me his family’s shop, and we’re going to take a drive in the country. Might be nice to get out of the city?”
“Oh, that sounds so lovely.” Freya rubs her belly and looks at Mac regretfully. “But Belle told me even though things are looking good, she still doesn’t recommend travel.”
“Of course,” Tilly replies quickly. “I should have assumed.”
Freya glances down at her stomach. “I still can’t believe I’m closing in on thirty weeks. I still can’t believe how scary it all was and how good everything seems now.”
Tilly smiles warmly as she passes out the dessert. “Well, you handled it brilliantly.”
“It was a team effort.” Freya raises her mocktail for a cheers. We all clink glasses as Freya clutches her belly. “Oof, little Fergie is definitely going to be a footballer. His kicks get more determined every day.”
“Maybe you should go lie down,” Mac says, his face marred with concern as he rubs her back. “I know you’re off bed rest, but you’ve had a busy night, don’t you think?”
Freya ruffles Mac’s hair. “Very well, husband. Take me to bed…but don’t forget the pudding.”
Tilly sits beside me at the table as we watch Mac usher Freya inside. She scoops up a spoonful of dessert and points towards them with her spoon. “I can’t believe how much she’s showing and how far she still has to go.”
“Is that uncommon?” I inquire, watching them disappear around the corner.
“Oh, I don’t know, but she looks like she’s fixing to burst already.”
“Are you ready to be an aunt?” I ask, watching Tilly’s dreamy look with fascination.
She smiles brightly. “I’m definitely ready. What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you want kids?” She takes another casual bite of her treat like she didn’t just drop a very loaded question on me.
“Not particularly.” A thickness forms in my throat. “Do you want kids?”
“I don’t know for sure.” Tilly’s shoulders lift. “I think I’ll wait to see how that wee one turns out before I decide. The Logan bloodline can be horribly stubborn.” She giggles and tucks another bite of pudding into her mouth.
The sight is so lighthearted and sweet. The innocence of it all pokes at a very deep dark vortex in my soul. What if I can’t give Tilly what she wants? What if me telling her who I am and where I come from ruins this hopeful innocence she has? She’s come so far in her life, getting over her own pregnancy loss, getting sober, and now tackling a new job soon. She’s doing so well and is so optimistic about life. Maybe me hitting her with my truth will send her spinning.
My spine straightens as a new reality settles in over me. I always thought that the moment I truly fell for someone, I’d want to tell her the truth about me and who I really am. I thought it would be cleansing and might bring my true heart forward. But what if I’m wrong? What if those thoughts were all selfish, delusional bullshit? What