shag.”
“Interesting.” My brows furrow as I try to consider that idea. “When we met, he was this sleazy suit-wearing, dark, dangerous and…extremely naughty in bed type of lad. God, the first night we met, we nearly shagged in the women’s loo at some nightclub.”
“Oh my God, that’s hot.” Freya squeals, bouncing slightly in her seated position.
“Not really,” I reply with my lip curled. “It was stupid. I’m pretty sure we stopped because a security guard threatened to throw us out. And I was so stupid because I actually liked all that excitement. I was so out of control that I looked for anything to push my limits.”
“Crikey,” Freya responds flatly, her eyes fixated off into the distance. “A shag in a car wash is the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.”
“Oh my God.” I bark out a laugh and then lower my voice so we don’t wake Mac. “Please tell me that wasn’t with my brother.”
Freya gets a sheepish look on her face. “I’m afraid it couldn’t have been with anyone else since he’s been my only shag.”
“What does that—no way! You were a virgin when you met my brother?”
“Don’t say it like that!”
“I’m not saying it like anything! I’m just…I’m shocked.”
“Well, it shouldn’t surprise you that a plump, Cornish, cat-loving seamstress doesn’t exactly score big with the blokes.”
“Did you guys wait until marriage? Do I want to know? God, I don’t think I do. Tell me quickly,” I rush out, desperate for this juicy nugget and trying my hardest to forget it’s my brother we’re talking about.
“We didn’t wait.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not a prude. I’m just inexperienced. And your brother was my best mate, so it felt right.”
My heart sighs at that sweet, innocent comment. Freya and Mac’s love story is such a joy to watch…even if their life path is far different from mine.
“So, are you considering a replay with Santino?” Freya waggles her eyebrows.
“No,” I reply quickly and then repeat for good measure, “No! I can’t get swept up in him again. The last time we were together, I lost all my good sense. I can’t allow myself to go down that path again. That’s why I need to talk to you. How do I stop this ridiculous pull I feel to him? Like seriously, when I saw him at the bar, I was like a moth to a flame even though I knew I didn’t want anything to do with him.”
“Bleddy hell, that is a predicament.” Freya rubs her lips together thoughtfully. “Maybe if you look rubbish when you see him? Like sweats and a messy bun. No mascara. If you don’t feel sexy, then you won’t be thinking about sex.”
I nod slowly, my nose wiggling at that idea. “Actually, that’s not a bad thought.”
“Oh! And punch him in the shoulder like he’s one of the bros. I always see Mac and the other footballers do that.” Her face falls. “But don’t swat him on his rear. They do that too, and I fear that could send him mixed messages.”
“Duly noted.” I laugh and shake my head. “I think I can do this.”
“Of course you can.” Freya smiles victoriously. “Crikey! Am I your love coach now?”
I pull a face. “Maybe anti-love coach?”
Freya’s smile falters. “That doesn’t sound very nice.”
“I know, but I can’t be repeating old habits if I want to get my life back. And Santino definitely falls under the category of old habits.”
Freya exhales heavily. “You know what they say about old habits.”
“What?”
She pins me with a serious look and deadpans, “They die hard…and that’s not in reference to his willy.”
Sitting at an outdoor table outside a coffee shop in Bethnal Green with an espresso in hand, I try to calm my nerves before the arrival of Tilly Logan. The woman is a force of nature. Any time she comes near me, I lose all sense of control, both mentally and physically. The other night bloody well proved that.
Fucking hell.
Friday night at the charity was a disaster. I shouldn’t have lost it on her in the lift, and I shouldn’t have accused her of being the same person she was before. I should have known better. She just looked so bloody good. Everything incredible about us came rushing back in full force, and I desperately wanted it to be like old times.
Then she basically told me to get stuffed, and I couldn’t help but feel angry.
Going into that evening, I fully admit I wanted to see what we could be like