cotton ball into his face and lean back on the table. “And you know that.”
Mac’s eyes narrow to slits. “That’s about the only thing I do know.” He glowers over at Santino. “That and the fact this fucking bastard sent you money for an abortion.”
“It wasn’t money for an abortion!” I snap, hating that Mac has thought this all along about Santino. “He gave me money to hire a private investigator to try to track down the birth father.”
“What?” Mac barks, his tone laced with confusion.
I exhale heavily, steeling myself to lay it all out there. Lay myself bare. I was vulnerable with Santino, and it paid off in the end. I can be vulnerable with my brother now.
“I was too ashamed to tell you the truth at the time, so I let you believe that’s what the money was for.” I turn sad eyes to Santino, who was only trying to eliminate any monetary barriers I had at the time, which was generous beyond comprehension.
“Who was the father?” Mac asks, his voice gruff.
I turn my eyes back to my brother who looks ill over this revelation. “I never found out. I did hire someone but he just kept hitting dead end after dead end. When I miscarried, I just decided to let it all go.”
Mac shakes his head and presses his fists on top of the table. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t remember who got me pregnant, Mac!” I cry, hating the words coming out of my mouth but knowing I need to spell it all out for him. “I took some pills from a friend…who I thought was a friend…and next thing I know, I wake up in a stranger’s flat with no memory of going home with him.”
“Fuck off,” Mac growls, his jaw clenching so hard, I think I hear his teeth grinding. “What friend?” He slides accusing eyes over to Santino.
“No one I speak to anymore,” I snap, stepping between Mac and Santino’s murderous stare off. “I hadn’t even been around Santino for a few weeks, so you can quit staring at him like he let this happen to me. He wasn’t even there. That’s how I knew when I turned up pregnant, it was that stranger’s baby.”
“Fucking hell.” Mac stares down at his hands, looking like he’s going to cry.
“See?” I groan, horrified at this whole moment. “This is why I never wanted to tell you. That look…right there. Disappointment. Shame. Disgust. You feel all those things for me? Imagine how I feel knowing the situation I put myself in. Imagine me having to tell Mum or Dad…or worse even, Granddad. Imagine the dread in my mind when I moved back home on my own and had to tell them I was pregnant.”
Mac’s face softens.
“I was so ashamed, Mac. So fucking ashamed and I had no one to blame but myself.”
Mac exhales heavily. “I’m sorry, Tilly.”
“Don’t be. It was my own doing.” I cross my arms over my chest, feeling like I need to dig out that protective armour again if I’m going to survive this conversation. “But I need you to know that Santino is important to me. He’s special. He was a friend to me all those years ago. The only real one I truly had.” My voice catches in my throat as that realisation pummels me out of nowhere. “He offered to be with me even though we both knew there was no chance the baby was his. But I couldn’t accept his kindness at the time. I didn’t trust it, so I pushed him away.”
My tear-filled eyes find Santino’s, and I ache to be in his arms again. To thank him for showing me mercy at a moment when I didn’t deserve it.
My voice is firm when I refocus on Mac. “But what I have with Santino now, Mac? I trust it. I trust it with my whole heart, and I am not pushing it away. I’m holding on to it with every fibre of my being, and I swear to Christ, if you screw this up for me…I will unleash the holy hells of terror on you, and that baby in your wife’s belly will be the only one you ever get. Sorry, Frey.”
“Don’t be,” she replies, her eyes wide as saucers as she looks to be nearly squeezing the life out of poor Jasper. “This is better than Bridgerton.”
Mac nods slowly, processing everything I just said in his slow caveman way. Finally, he turns grave eyes to Santino. “All that