open about my past. I even told Mac about what happened to my mother one night over a pint. He looked at me with such respect and compassion, I realised I’d been so foolish not to give people the benefit of the doubt all these years.
My past doesn’t define me but denying it shackled me in ways I didn’t realise. Now, I have peace with it, and I know what I want.
I want Tilly.
I expel a breath and reach out to hold her hand. “I’m not going to pressure you about this. I just want you to know that I’m ready when you are.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “See? You’re fucking perfect.”
Six Weeks Later
“You guys are doing an excellent job!” Freya calls out from her seat on the sofa as Mac and Santino each carry the last of my boxes down the steps. “I’d love to help, but I’m in the middle of gestating a baby rhinoceros, so I’ve only got another forty weeks to go.”
I laugh from the entryway as I hold Jasper in my arms to keep him from scampering out the open door. “Just hold out six more days until Christmas, Freya! Then I will win the due date bet!”
She groans dramatically. “You’re an arsehole for picking Christmas. That’ll have me well overdue by then, you cunt!”
Mac appears in the doorway. “Pay her no mind. Her language gets saucier with each passing day that wee one doesn’t come a knocking.”
“He’s knocking!” she exclaims loudly. “He’s knocking every single one of my organs and my bladder about every four minutes. Which reminds me…I need to use the toilet again. Can someone help me up?”
Mac rushes over to help Freya off the couch, and I school myself not to gawk at her. I didn’t think she had any more room to grow a few months ago. Now, she’s getting ready to pass her due date and fixing to burst. I fear every time she walks that she’s going to tip over.
“Tomorrow, my belly will be so big, you’ll have to wipe me.”
“With pleasure, Cookie.”
“Don’t Cookie me,” she snaps. “It’s patronizing.”
Santino comes back in from outside, closing the door quickly behind him and wrapping his arms around my waist for warmth. “What’d I miss?”
“Don’t ask,” I whisper, watching Freya waddle towards me in her floral muumuu with Mac holding her hand.
Freya lifts disgusted eyes to Santino. “Just look at him…wrapping his arms around her waif-thin waist like it’s just a normal Saturday.” Freya looks back at Mac. “Remember when you could do that to me? Because I don’t. I’ve been pregnant for so long I’m elderly and have got dementia now.”
Mac turns grave eyes to me. “Are you sure you have to move into Santino’s flat today, Tilly? It seems like we could really use the help around here. I don’t have much practise wiping lady parts. I’m more qualified to do other things down there.”
“Don’t make sex jokes when I look like this!” Freya cries. “You’ll be lucky to ever see my vagina ever again after this baby rhino comes out.”
Mac winces, looking like he doesn’t even know how to put one foot in front of the other anymore, the poor lad. I feel awful, but I always planned to move out before the baby was born. The last thing Freya and Mac need is me nosing about the house when they’re having a quarrel over whose turn it is to do a night feeding. They should have this time to themselves.
And I’m ready for a change. My job at Harrods is going wonderfully. It’s quite a commute to work every day from east London, but I don’t fancy myself moving west any time soon, and they actually let me work from home a few days a week, so it’s really not that much of a bother.
Plus, Santino’s been asking me to move in with him ever since we got back together. If I told him I was moving out of Freya and Mac’s and into my own flat, he’d probably start another eight-day fight with me. And while we’re very good at making up after a quarrel—not fighting is much more desirable. Furthermore, I’m quite certain he’s “the one”, so why bother taking things slow? I just turned thirty-three two weeks ago. I’m not exactly getting any younger.
Suddenly, there’s a dribbling sound that tears my focus from Santino to Freya whose wide eyes snap to mine. “Did I just have a wee in the hallway?”
I glance down