train station last night, and I didn’t think of her when I laid in that hotel room by myself. I’m not giving her any more of my time.
Thankfully, Nonno is silent during the car ride. It’s clear he knows something is up, but he’s respecting my brooding. I’m glad Nonno is the type that only speaks when he has something important to say. Something I should try to get better at, then maybe I wouldn’t have found myself in this position.
When he pulls up to the train station, I reach into the back seat to grab my bag. I pull it forward, and he suddenly grips my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
“It is my fault,” he huffs out, his brow furrowed.
“What is?”
“You and Cherry Two.” He makes a breaking motion with his hands.
“How is it your fault?”
His lips shift off to the side as he exhales heavily through his nose. “I told you about your father. Maybe that was a big mistake.”
A coldness settles over me at the direction this is going. “You told me because I was out of control and needed some direction in my life. And it worked. I wouldn’t have gone to law school if it weren’t for that conversation you and I had all those years ago.”
He taps his chest, his jaw clenched with emotion. “It hurt me to tell you.” His voice cracks as he makes a fist and pounds his heart. “It hurt your mother too. Maybe she was right, and you never should have known.”
“Nonno, we don’t have to talk about this. I’m not angry with you.”
He holds his finger up to silence me. “Santino, la famiglia is your every day, always.”
My eyes fall closed, and I nod. “I know this, Nonno.”
“You’ve had many plants you water, but none you bring home to meet Cherry.” He rubs his hand over the steering wheel like he’s speaking about his most cherished possession…which might be partially true.
I exhale heavily. “I thought I could be honest with Tilly, but when it came down to it, I don’t want her to know that about me. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You’re scared of hurting your heart, not hers.” He points at my chest. “You’re scared no one could love you. But look at me, Santino. Look into my eyes. Ti amerò per sempre.”
My chest contracts with his words that I painfully repeat back to him. “I will love you forever too, Nonno.”
“You have love.” He sniffs and clears his throat, shaking away his emotion. “You remember that, and you can be brave and tell Cherry Two the truth. If she doesn’t like it, it don’t matter, because we are here.” He shrugs like this is the easiest and most obvious solution in the world. But it’s not. Nothing about this is easy.
The truth is, Tilly has a pattern of running when things begin to spiral out of her control. She ran when she got pregnant five years ago. She tried to pull away from me when Mac accused her of drinking again. Hell, she made us hide our relationship for weeks because she was so determined to have control. Now, she’s run from me because I refuse to confess all my innermost secrets.
Well, this time, I’m not chasing her. I’m not breaking down her door to force her to talk to me. If this is how she deals with conflict, hiding our relationship in the beginning, then running away when things get too real…she was never going to be able to handle the heavy burden I carry. If she’s the type to run now, she’ll definitely be the type to run when she knows the truth. We’re both better off this way.
“I want to host a surprise baby shower for Freya and Mac on Sunday. Do you think you could help me?” I ask Allie over the phone on Monday morning.
“Oh my God…I was just thinking of that! She wouldn’t let us plan anything once she was put on bed rest because Mac was so worried about the stress. But she’s doing so much better now!” Allie squeals so loudly in my ear I have to hold my mobile away from my face.
“She really is. I checked the Bethnal Green fixtures, and they have a home match on Saturday. I see that Arsenal plays Chelsea, so Camden should be in town too. After that, everyone is scattered for quite a while.”
“You’re so right,” Allie replies knowingly. “We have to do it this Sunday. And doing