on. I’m twenty-seven years old. I’m not a teenager. But fuck, they made me feel ridiculous for not taking it, and so I just took it to shut them up. I didn’t think it would be that strong. But then, Jesus, then everything got blurry. And I remember talking to a guy. I remember snogging him in the loo. Then it all just…goes black. Next thing I know, I’m waking up at three in the morning in some stranger’s flat, and well…there was evidence we shagged…between my legs. I looked everywhere for a condom. I dug through that fucker’s disgusting bins and everything. No sign. It’s his, I know it is.”
She begins sobbing, and I shush her, pulling her into my arms and rocking her back and forth. “So, who is he?”
“That’s the worst part. I went back to his flat, and he was gone and so was his stuff. It was just an Air BnB, I guess. He doesn’t even live here, and I can’t get his name from the hosts because of confidentiality bullshit. They said they’d give him my information, but he’s never contacted me. I’m sure he wants nothing to do with this situation. I know I sure as hell don’t.”
“Fucking arsehole.”
“Fucking cunt!” she adds.
I look around the flat again. “Why all the boxes?”
“I’m moving back to Scotland to live with my parents.”
“What?” I pull back to pin her with a glower. “Why on earth are you doing that?”
“Because I’m knocked up, you eejit! I don’t have the first idea what to do with a child. And my parents do. I have to move back home. I can’t afford anything else, so I have no other choice.”
“Your brother is here,” I state stupidly.
“You know as well as I do that a footballer’s schedule is mental.” She exhales heavily and tosses the blanket off herself. “I hate leaving London, but I have to. This lifestyle isn’t healthy. I’m a fucking mess.”
Guilt niggles in my belly. The lifestyle she’s talking about is the partying, the drinking. The occasional drug use. I’ve noticed Tilly’s been a bit wild since the moment we met, and I have to admit, I wanted to cut her off at times. Stop her from drinking. But she’s not my girlfriend, and well, we didn’t talk about that kind of stuff. I’d never shag her if she was completely pissed and took great pains to ensure her sobriety when we were intimate. This fucking sicko that fucked her when she wasn’t even coherent and now wants nothing to do with her deserves to be castrated.
A dark memory threatens to impede my thoughts, but I push it away before it can grow wings. My voice is deep and ominous when I say, “What if the baby is mine?”
“What?” she replies with a laugh, standing up to begin pacing the small flat. “Don’t be stupid.”
“It could be mine,” I respond stubbornly, standing up to tower over her.
“You and I never go without a condom.”
I shrug like she said nothing I cared about. “Condoms aren’t one hundred percent.”
“The timing aligns with this bloke.”
“You slept with me three weeks ago.”
“My period is only a week late, Santino. The timing isn’t there. It’s not yours. Calm the fuck down. You’re in the clear.”
I take a deep, cleansing breath, feeling a heavy sense of responsibility come over me. My mother was a teen mum, and I don’t even know who my father is, so I guess it’s safe to say that men who abandon their children don’t sit well with me.
“What if I didn’t want to be in the clear?” I ask, digging my heels in.
“What?”
“What if I claim this baby no matter what?”
“Santino! You’ve lost your fucking mind! You’re a fucking manwhore if I ever saw one.”
“So, what. I can change,” I snap, annoyed at her dismissal of me. “I can be there for you and this baby. We can be together.”
“Until you see the wee one and decide it’s more work than it’s worth and fuck off like all the other arseholes I’ve screwed. No, thank you.”
“Tilly, I’m being serious.”
“I don’t even know what I’m doing with this situation yet!” she screams, turning on her heel to eye me harshly. “I’m a modern woman, Santino. I have choices! I don’t just need you to marry me to make this a legitimate bairn. Maybe I won’t even keep it!”
I swallow the knot in my throat and nod slowly. “Okay then. I’ll support whatever you decide.”
She shakes her head in disgust.