just said. It’s a chorus of fucks echoing down the hall with no matter of control whatsoever.
Suddenly, Mac and Freya emerge through the kitchen door with wide, confused eyes. About half of us notice and yell, “Surprise!” It goes silent for a moment, and another child says fuck! to fully punctuate the disaster of the moment.
I’m horrified.
“What’s going on?” Freya asks, looking adorable in a long floral maternity dress as she grips Mac’s arm and glances around curiously. “What’s the surprise?”
I step forward, Sophia and Rocky still gripping my hands like steel traps, and now it seems we’ve gained a train of a few of the other girls…Marisa, Bex, and Joey. “We’re throwing you guys a baby shower.” I smile brightly, and my face falls when Freya begins blubbering.
“Don’t cry!” I exclaim, glancing at my brother nervously, who…oh, for heaven’s sake…he’s crying too.
“I have to cry!” Freya proclaims, waving her hands in front of her red face. “I’m pregnant, and this is basically all I do now!”
“Fuck,” Mac growls, dabbing at his own eyes. “I’m not pregnant. I’m just touched.”
Everyone laughs at that, and guess what?
More fucks from the children.
Thank God this is a forgiving family.
The party begins mostly in the back garden, but people drift in and out for nibbles. The kids are all wild and at least partially contained in the bouncy castle while the adults enjoy the food and drink. I get the silly games going, doing my best to ignore Santino’s presence, which is easy because he seems to be avoiding me also.
The best game I organised involves the guys putting balloons under their shirts and racing to see who can tie their shoes the fastest. Of course, the Harris Brothers one-up my game idea and add football into the mix. Now, not only do they have to tie their shoes with the balloon under their belly, but they have to dribble a football across the garden and do a header into the goal before dropping on their bellies and popping their balloons.
It’s actually a little disturbing, and when I think about the fact that these are professional, highly-paid athletes running around with fake pregnant bellies while their father yells at them not to get injured, the entire scene takes on a life of its own. I end up nearly peeing myself from laughing so hard. Freya does pee herself. But it’s fine. The mummies all say it’s totally normal.
I wasn’t prepared for many things today. I wasn’t prepared to stuff a balloon under my dress shirt. I wasn’t prepared for Tanner to challenge me to a goal post competition. I wasn’t prepared to go to a store and buy the first baby gift of my entire life. I got three cases of diapers because everything online said that was a sensible gift idea.
And I wasn’t prepared for how beautiful Tilly Logan would look today.
She looks even more stunning than when I saw her at that charity gala over two months ago. I can’t believe she can look so beautiful and so unaffected when I’ve been a wreck for eight days straight now.
It’s awful. My bed still smells like her because I refuse to change my sheets. My flat is still covered in items she left behind, a toothbrush, some clothes, a few stray photographs she thought I’d like of street art that I’ve yet to frame. I can’t bring myself to box up any of it. I would probably need to burn it all if I ever want to attempt to get Tilly out of my mind.
But I don’t want her out of my mind. I want her in my mind, in my arms, in my bed…and in my life.
As I watch her from across the grass, laughing with all the other women, part of my old doubt starts creeping in. Maybe she’s better off without me. Maybe coming here was a mistake.
But then I recall playing football with her at Tower Park, and watching her appreciate random drawings on a phone box. I recall our morning showers together and how some days, we didn’t even have sex in the shower because we were too busy talking. Now, she’s right here in front of me, and all I can think is how much I miss her and want to touch her. The aching heaviness in my chest grows more intense the more I watch her.
God, I love her.
Vaughn’s words resonated with me all weekend. And like it or not, my heart grew when I fell