agreed it was a mistake, so yeah…" I trail off.
"But it wasn't?"
"It wasn't at the time, but now…" I move to sit next to her again as a new clarity emerges through my hazy thoughts. I’ve been holding this in for so long, terrified that the moment I admit my feelings, he will somehow disappear from my life. But I can’t do this anymore. "No. It wasn't a mistake at all," I say. "It was just the wake up I needed… because you were right. I never gave real relationships a shot because I had convinced myself that deep down Jordan and I belonged together. But I'm done. I get it now. And it’s okay. I’m just going to be honest, tell him how that night affected me, and how I’ve had this embarrassing crush on him forever. Ignoring it feels impossible, especially now. Maybe we’ll be able to laugh about it and move on. He’s my best friend. Boyfriends come and go, but best friends are hard to replace and holding this in has been toxic."
She raises her eyebrows and I wait for all of the questions to follow. Why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I say something to him about my feelings? But they don't come. Instead, she bites her lip as something like sadness grows in her eyes. Probably sadness for me and how pathetic I sound right now. I definitely feel worse.
"Well, why are you meeting him tonight?"
I sigh and my gaze falls to the floor. "I guess to tell him all that." She doesn't say anything for a while and I start to imagine just how surprised he'll probably be to hear my truth.
"I think it’s great that you are going to tell him. You should. He deserves to know and you shouldn't have to keep burying your feelings. It isn't fair."
"Yeah." This time, I nod and she stands, grabbing the box and lifting it to her chest.
"How about we get this car packed and then go for lunch before I hit the road?"
"Sounds like a good idea," I say, forcing a smirk. "I'll finish this box then I'll be right down." Grabbing the packing tape from the bed, I watch as she juggles her box awkwardly then opens the door and disappears into the hallway.
After I secure my box, I place it next to the door, then grab my phone from my pocket as it chimes with an incoming text.
Jordan: 1021 Cartle Road. See you at five.
I frown at the phone as I read the message. I'm not familiar with this address. It’s outside of town and I consider doing a quick online search to see what it is, but I kind of want to be surprised. It will clearly be the only exciting thing about this dreadful night… but this needs to happen so we can move forward. I slide my phone back in my pocket then grab the box and head down to Shana's car.
My fingers tap the steering wheel as I glance from the road down to my phone and the red triangle directing my navigation. I was going to try to let the destination be a surprise but the moment I typed the address into my navigator the name popped up as Smith’s Lounge and Restaurant. Jordan and I have never gone to a lounge before, not alone anyway, so it's pretty interesting that this is what he chose. I figured we’d be meeting over drinks, but I’m starting to feel like he put more thought into this than I expected.
But maybe it's fitting for clearing a space. We can get a few drinks, have a do-over conversation, and hopefully air some things out.
I'm running late. It's after five already. And thanks to this damn map rerouting me twice, I ended up on a back road instead of the highway. Damn, I am so nervous. I've gone over my little speech so many times, reminding myself that our friendship will be better off with the truth out in the open. Lying about this sure hasn’t gotten us anywhere.
The navigation announces I'm just three miles away and I pick up the speed to try to make up time.
I pull up to a large brick building that sits in the middle of a huge parking lot. There’s nothing else around it besides what looks like a hotel in the back corner. Just like the lounge, the hotel is also named Smith’s.
I pull into a parking space and turn off my car,