regain my composure.
“Leave, Jordan,” he says, looking down at my fists. “You don’t want to make this mistake, boy.”
I watch him and begin to think about how disappointed my mother would be if I lost everything I’d worked for because I couldn’t control my anger. How disappointed I’d be in the end. It takes everything I have but after a few more seconds, I set my jaw, fling his door open, and walk out.
10
XIA
My car is barely started before I shift the gear from park and hit the gas. My mother never goes off the grid like this. Well, technically it's only been a few hours but with her work in real estate she hardly ever puts her phone down. Then there was that random text message.
She can't be here.
First I thought it was a typo of some sort, so I sent a quick response asking her what it meant. Then I went back to some last minute studying. I lost track of time and it wasn't until I was pulling into the school that I noticed she never responded. That's when I started calling, all the while my mind racing to decode what her words could have meant. Was it about the woman my father was with? Is she having some sort of break down? I couldn't exactly call my father to check on her, and with no other family members in town, Jordan was my only option.
Praying for the traffic to be light, I pull out of the parking lot of the school, grab my phone, and dial Jordan's number. He answers on the first ring.
"Hey, were you able to stop by my mother’s house yet?" I say as I make a right turn onto the street and head toward the highway. I'll be running into five o'clock traffic but going the other way will add twenty minutes to my commute. At least this way if the traffic is flowing I can be there in fifteen.
"Yeah. I left not too long ago but I didn’t want to bother you while you were testing. She was there, but Zee, she's not doing so great." His voice sounds strange and I can't tell if he's pissed off or trying to be careful with his words.
"Why? What's going on?"
"She's just not herself. She has like a shrine of pictures in the living room of you and your family. It was odd."
"A shrine?"
"Yes, all over the living room," he says.
My worry morphs into panic as I start to imagine the state of mind my mother would have to be in to do something like that.
"Oh God. Well, did she… did she say anything?"
"Not really, are you on the way over there?"
"Yes, I'm pulling on the highway right now."
"Do you want me to come back over?" he asks. Everything in me wants to say yes. I want him there. He’s my person. I’ve always felt I could face the worst of life with him by my side. He makes me feel safe, loved. But it's only been four days since we slept together, which amounts to four days of hell as I tried my best to keep him at a distance. I promised Shana I'd go on the double date with her tomorrow and I know if I see Jordan before then I'll find a way to talk myself out if it.
"No," I say after a beat. "I got it from here. But seriously. Thank you. Thanks for checking on her for me."
"No problem,” he says, his voice changing slightly. I can tell he’s frustrated and I hate this so much but I really need things to be this way for a while. A sense of sadness curls through my chest as the awkward silence thickens in the air. I hate this. I feel like I’m being unfair to him and even though my heart is still so confused I can’t stand the fact that I’m hurting him in the process.
“Will you be busy this weekend?” My hands tighten on the steering wheel as I ask the question.
“No, are you finally ready to really talk about what happened in my room the other night?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say. The mere thought of that night causes my body to warm as heat trickles down my neck and across my chest. No. No, I have to get a grip.
“Thank fuck,” he says.
I want to laugh but at the same time I want to cry. We can just grab lunch and talk it out then… waiting