and begins taking pictures. I smile up at Lucas as he laces his fingers through my hand. A jolt of energy rolls through my body. This is the third time he's touched me, and I'm not sure how it makes me feel. I'm not uncomfortable. I like it, but… I don't know. The sound of Shana’s voice grabs my attention but before I look away from Lucas the annoying flash of her phone lights up the small area.
“Quit with the pictures,” I warn.
“But you guys are just so stinking cute.”
Once the horses come to a stop we separate. Kyle and Shana move to the carriage in front and we take the rear.
"Have fun," Kyle says and he swats a giggling Shana on her butt as she steps up to her seat.
“Wow, this is ridiculously romantic for a first date,” I say, looking from Lucas to the clear starry sky. The inside of the carriage is smaller than I thought. High backed seating, just large enough to fit two people, made of worn leather sits snugly with small plush pillows behind the driver.
“First? Does that mean you’re considering a second?” Lucas asks as he sits back in the seat, placing the pillow nearest him in the basket on the floor.
“Maybe.” I smile.
The buggy vibrates as it rolls over the cobblestone. The fresh smell of the river mixing with the slight mustiness of the horses causes a familiar warmth to spread through me. It reminds me of nature. The fishing spot Jordan and I used to go to when we were kids. I look out at the water and find myself wondering which direction I’d need to be going on the river to access it by boat, but Lucas’s voice breaks my thoughts.
“You know, Xia,” he starts. “This is really going to sound like a pick up line, but I promise I’m being sincere.” His hand taps the arm rest a few times before he changes his position slightly, twisting toward me. “There aren’t many girls I’d be comfortable with on a first date this intimate. Usually first dates are full of awkward silences as you bounce between random questions and trying to decide if the date was a bad idea entirely.”
“Okay?”
“But, with you, it’s nice. Even our silences.”
His eyes are warm and I can’t hold back the smile that grows on my lips. For most of this date I’ve been fighting my thoughts about Jordan, but with just a few words, Lucas brings me back to what’s real. He is real. He’s not an idea. He’s not a fantasy. Lucas is a real guy who’s genuine, I don’t have to read between the lines of his words. He’s telling me he’s interested, showing me he likes me, and clearly wants to see where this goes.
“You’re right.” My gaze meets his. “This really has been nice.”
Lucas nods once, then lifts his arm and places it over my shoulder. I lean against him as we fall silent again, the air being taken over by the rhythmic sound of the horse hooves knocking against the ground. My heart is full of so many things. Excitement about Lucas. Fear about what it would mean to really trust a guy with my heart. And then there’s Jordan. Because there’s always Jordan.
11
JORDAN
I've been dreading this all day. It’s only ten thirty a.m. but it feels like it could be midnight, as tired as I am. I got up pretty early this morning to practice the presentations for my last two classes and as of 9:55 a.m., I can officially say I’m done with my junior year. My feet move slowly as I make the short climb up the brick steps leading to my father’s front door. If today wasn’t May nineteenth, I’d be over the moon, excited about my victory and what I’ve accomplished. But it is May nineteenth. The day my mother died.
The door swings open before I get a chance to knock and my father’s smiling face appears in the darkness.
“Hey, bud, I thought I heard you pull up. How’d everything go this morning?” His voice is light, almost cheery, and I don’t understand it. Not that I want him to be depressed but today was pure hell for us two years ago.
I nod. “Everything went great. You ready to go?” I ask, gesturing over to my car.
“Almost. But you got here a little faster than I thought. I just put my coffee on. Come inside, I’ll finish my cup and then we can go,”
“It’s