over each other. How long has this been going on? Was John also a cheater? They say “birds of a feather flock together.” What if nothing I’ve come to believe is truly as it seems? I squeeze my steering wheel as I fight to push these uncomfortable thoughts away. All of this is too much. Jordan. My parents. The lies. The love. I just can’t take it right now. I reach over to grab my gear shifter, preparing to drive away, when a new message from Shana pops up.
Shana: Hey. About to leave the store, then I'll be on my way back to the dorm. Lucas actually came out with Kyle and me for dinner. I wish you were there. See you soon.
I stare at her text message for a few minutes, wondering if I have truly been a fool all this time. She was right and I never noticed. I actually don't date a lot of guys, and when I do, I always choose the broken ones. The guys like Craig who I know I won't get attached to, because I was already attached to someone else. All this time I've been subconsciously holding out for my best friend and a love that never had a chance of existing.
Gripping the phone tighter in my hand, I think about all the pain my mother has gone through and how the love she trusted so much was the one that hurt her the most. I wonder if she thinks she's been a fool too.
I pull up Jordan's contact info once more, then exit again and text Shana.
Me: Hey. Did you leave the store already?
Shana: No, I'm on the way to the front now.
Me: Okay. Grab an extra bottle of red wine. I’m headed to the dorm.
Shana: On it. Yes! Girls night!
Me: Yup. Oh, and by the way. Tell Lucas that I’d love to go out on a date with him.
9
JORDAN
It’s two thirty on Tuesday afternoon, just thirty minutes before Professor Satchi’s engineering exam. Instead of taking the last few minutes to review, I’ve been sitting in my car talking to Roman about how fucked up everything has been lately. His physics exam starts at the same time as mine so we decided to ride to school together this morning. This is the last final I'll be taking before I'm finished with the semester. I took one other exam Monday and my other two courses require project presentations for our final grade, so I won't technically be finished with the semester until Thursday but I’m not too worried. It’s Satchi’s exam that has been causing me the most grief. It’s known to be a bitch, and the last few days have been tough. I ended up getting a decent amount of studying done though.
Roman overheard me and Felicia arguing in the kitchen the other day, and after Xia left he came to check on me. For some reason I was embarrassed, which felt odd as shit because I don't get embarrassed easily. It was just because of Xia and the fact that we finally crossed that line. I hated having to talk about it with Felicia much less Roman.
I wouldn't say I'm a secretive person, During times when Felicia and I were on a break and I hooked up with other girls, it was something to talk with the guys about it. Not in a creepy play-by-play way, but I didn’t care if they knew who I was with. It's just that everything about being with Xia that night felt more personal, more private. Of course, it didn't help that the whole thing ended badly, which was pretty obvious to Roe after she practically ran out of the apartment that morning.
He didn't press me to talk, but contrary to his usual chill nature, Roe is a lot more tuned in to shit than most people realize.
“I don’t know, man. Maybe you should tell her,” he says.
He’s being really sincere, which is surprising as fuck. Roman usually avoids conversations about love and relationships. I think it’s because his stepfather was such a dick to his mom when he was growing up. Part of me has always wondered if he even believes in love.
“Maybe.” I shrug. “She’s barely answering my calls, and when she does she’s really short. If this was any other situation I would have just shown up at her dorm and made her talk it out, but something about this is… I don’t know. I feel like I need to give